A Mother's Musings

A New Year

2012-01-08T14:08:00.001-08:00

Usually, by now, I have a new word for the year. I have my reading list compiled. I have the areas I want to grow in all compiled and mapped out. I've got my plan all squeaky clean polished and ready to go.

This Year.................

No book list, no word, maps or plans.

Just life, lived together in all it's messiness and joys.....one day at a time.

I have all I need for life and godliness in His word and truth, my relationships and the Holy Spirit.

My new motto:

Love the one your with.....I mean really love them. Repeat again tomorrow.

Whether that be my children, my husband, neighbour or grocery clerk.

Not sure where this year will take me but I don't need a charted map because He has that all taken care of for me. Even when I had a map it often wasn't accurate :o)

I want to live what I already know, loving Him with all of me and then hopefully love the guy right in front of me.

"Teacher, which is the great commandment in the Law?" 37 And he said to him, "You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. 38 This is the great and first commandment. 39 And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. 40 On these two commandments depend all the Law and the Prophets."

Matthew 22: 36-40

Happy New Year!

Christmas at Our House

2011-12-17T12:31:00.003-08:00

I know we are less then ten days away from Christmas day but wanted to share some of our celebrations this year. We have done several things differently this year.

We have done Jesse Tree devotions over the last ten years. We read, the kids color or draw the symbol and attach it to the tree. Some years the tree has been cloth and others we have used a real branch from our back yard. We have enjoyed these times each year so very much. I have found it hard at times to do a devotion faithfully every day till Christmas (just being honest).

This year I found a neat little book about the history of Christmas traditions called The ADVENTure of Christmas. I wasn't really looking for it but came across it on the clearance rack at a book shop. Each day we read through a different tradition and the legend and history behind it. It has been a nice change and very interesting. It also had a suggestion for making your own Advent calendar. It is SO simple but we had tons of fun making them and of course eating them. She suggests using Hershey kisses but I found it too pricey to do that with three kids. I bought one of those gummy candy packs with tons of candy for the same price as one Hershey kiss bag. Yes, I know.....tons of dye and high fructose corn syrup but once in awhile won't hurt us. You pull out enough plastic wrap to hold 25 of the candies. Lay out the candies with about an inch between and roll them up. You then tie a piece of ribbon in between each piece. Then you hang it. We hung two of them from wall mounted candle holders in our dining room and the other to a curtain rod in the dining room. Each day we read and then cut off a piece of candy.

Those spicy red balls are YUMMO!

Did you know that candy canes were originally made as sugar pacifiers for babies while in church services? It was interesting to learn why the stripes were added and what they mean?

We are really having a low key holiday here. No traveling this year which I am so thankful for. Our family is coming to us in small groups over the week. We are having dinner with close friends Christmas Day and chilling. My husband has an entire week off which is never happened before. Much to be grateful for.

As extended family we agreed to make all the gifts this year.The adults don't do gifts but the kids pick names. I am excited to see what they have all come up with to make for each other. I would love to share what I made but will post after Christmas so I don't spoil the surprise :o) We have gotten into some fun creating this year. I have un-earthed old creative loves and found new ones. Journey has amazed me with some of her creations.

I decided to wrap the print over the mantel in Christmas paper for decoration. It took me a few days to get over the shock of how "loud" it felt in the room but it feels festive now. It was super easy. I just stapled the paper onto the back of the wood frame and then bought ribbon and made the bow. I think it cost me all of $2.49 to do. The cute toddler is showing off his dance moves to Harry Connick's Christmas Album.

Can't remember who's idea it was to use lettered building blocks for the mantel but we love it. We have several sets all over the house that say "Merry Christmas"....again a frugal but fun way to decorate and celebrate.

Have a Merry Christmas from our home to yours. See you next year! Or maybe before, if I get around to sharing our creations before then.

Whispers and Shouts

2011-11-30T18:10:00.000-08:00

All mama's experience the homeschool haunt in their years of home learning. That voice that sneaks up over your shoulder and whispers "it's not enough". I have been particularly hunted down by this the last few days.
I think the struggle comes off and on for everyone. Personally, I find with my son who has more needs, this whisper grows into a shout if I am not careful.

I realize the best place for him is at home, hands down. The big yellow school bus is not on the horizon at my house. I do wonder though, if I am giving him what he needs from an educational standpoint. There are skills that are just SO hard for him. Would a professional know things I don't that would serve him in written and oral output? I am sure there is somewhere.

How important are these skills to being successful in adulthood? I'd say pretty important. Will he mature into them? Will he overcome those he doesn't or will they be defining factors we can't get past? I really don't know?

This is how the whisper sneaks into a scream that I can't hear over anything else. It is a form of war to come face to face with the future possibilities and not let them take you down. To not let autism run your life into a pit of sorrows and swallow you like a gnat.

There is a time to grieve but never a time to give up. I feel a little battle weary but that signals a time to retreat, rest, wait and get new battle plans. In the mean time we take a break from trying to write and get goofy. Tickling is a tremendous weapon against the brick walls in our house.

James 1:4-6

And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind.

I do feel a bit tossed by a wave right now but His word and truth bring comfort.

So in faith I ask for help, wisdom, the next step and He will give generously.

Will you pray for wisdom as I search some things out and make some changes around here....again.

Fall

2011-11-16T17:21:00.001-08:00

Fall is my favorite season of the year. I love pulling out my warm socks, hoodies and sweaters. Curling up under blankets drinking good hot coffee is one of my most relaxing past times. This maple mixed with an evergreen is my morning view each day. I have watched it slowly turn vibrant red as the season has progressed.

The big oak drops it's summers work all over our deck. A constant pile of fun for the kids (when it's not raining). A chore in the crisp air when it's finished shedding. We always have fun cleaning up the fall.

Being an American living in Canada I feel I have a double blessing. Thanksgiving here is at the beginning of October. My heart and mind is called a whole month earlier to remember to be thankful. Though we are called daily to be thankful we make a creative effort during October and November to speak it, and create with it. This year we decided to make our own Thanksgiving tree. We drew it, colored it and put it on the wall. Each circle time we make a leaf or bird and write our thanks and add it to the tree. We are now talking about how to use this tree to also walk through advent.

We love our family tradition of craving pumpkins and roasting seeds. Determined and focused little guys aren't they? I love that little tongue sticking out in concentration. My mom says I did the same thing as a child.

All the bright colors of fall just before the long dark sleeping months are so beautiful to me. So much color to be stored away and remembered during the hibernation. And then, the color greets us again in Spring.

The final result.

Sadly, someone took Isaac's pumpkin on the left and smashed it all over the road in front of our house. He was not a happy camper. He asked me why someone would destroy someone else's cool looking pumpkin. I figured talking about the depravity of man was a bit over his head but in simple terms we talked about the nature of man apart from God.

Happy Thanksgiving this month and all year long.

One More

2011-11-09T15:25:00.000-08:00

Well, it is kind of chaos around here. I have battled a nasty viral thing for over a week now. The lay down and can't get off the couch kinda virus. But I had to get off the couch...so I did with drugs. The natural stuff didn't even touch it.

Our new help causing such "ease" is moving on in December. Yet He is providing in ways I wouldn't expect.

My little man is not sleeping naps nor sleeping in AT ALL. This was long before the time change....which only compounded things. Have no clue how to get him to sleep.

So many obstacles in learning right now.....YET

In the madness there is rest. Been pretty desperate in the last several weeks. A good place to be.

When I don't know what to do I have decided to just wait. Just bow my head and ask for grace and wisdom. And in waiting and asking HE shows me,

And often it hasn't been some big fix just

.....one more hug
.....one more meal
.....one more prayer
.....one more smile
.....one more story
.....one more laugh
.....one more tear
.....one more apology

Simply the next thing He has placed in front of me.

Everything to Someone

2011-10-29T14:35:00.001-07:00

Came across this quote here. Was encouraged hope you are too.

How can it be a large career to tell other people's children about [arithmetic], and a small career to tell one's own children about the universe? How can it be broad to be the same thing to everyone, and narrow to be everything to someone? No; a woman's function is laborious, but because it is gigantic, not because it is minute.

G.K. Chesterton

Happy Mess Maker

2011-10-22T11:36:00.000-07:00

I used to think messy outside was a reflection of a messy inside. Maybe in some cases it is. For me, I scramble to keep the outside orderly in order to calm the mess inside. Clean house clean heart mentality. I don't like clutter or mess.

God in his kindness has been working on my mess making skills.

Yesterday was day two with very little sleep. My kids still had the same needs no matter my sleep quota. By days end, looking at the outside it appeared life was a wreck. Papers all over the table and floor. Dishes stacked, books laying on most flat surfaces, toys strewn...complete disarray.

Yet, my kids were content. We had learned, played and really laughed (I'll tell you of the zurbert antics another time) till we cried. I even snorted! We lived today in spite of no sleep, messiness and clutter. It was far more important that my heart wasn't a mess with impatience, harsh words and irritation. The huge stack of dirty laundry AND clean unfolded laundry does not reflect the state of my heart. The sticky floors don't mean I'm lazy and unorganized. There is nothing wrong with being organized and on top of the laundry pile. In fact, it happens occasionally. The real problem is when I sacrifice inner peace, grace and resting in Him to keep the outside mess under control. When I am willing to sin against my relationships, my family, my calling as mom then the external mess fixing becomes an idol.

We cleaned up the outside mess eventually...together....willingly (for some in my family that is really hard)....because we spent the morning not letting the inside get messy with trying to control the outside mess.

I'm no longer a happy home maker. I'm a happy mess maker...so I can really LIVE in my home and not just manage it. Won't you join the club?

Happy Birthday Eli!

2011-10-16T22:10:00.000-07:00

October 7th we celebrated 3 years with this little man.

We were told we'd probably never have any more children ......yet there he is in all his cuteness.

He is funny, loves people and is full of life. His laugh is contagious and his dance moves put others to shame.

He has the cutest puckered lips when unhappy and gives the snuggliest hugs ever.

We are so grateful you have blessed our lives little man.

We are so thankful that God in His goodness gave us YOU.

Happy Birthday!

Puzzle Boy

2011-09-27T18:23:00.001-07:00

This is what my little 2 (almost 3) year old does during learning time at the table.

He is SO into puzzles. Two 49 piece dinosaur puzzles in one sitting. His patience exceeds my own.

We all cheer around the table when he finishes one. He is so proud of himself and I am right there with him, so proud.

Thanks for the puzzle memories little man. I'll keep them with me forever. Looking forward to nights of hot cocoa and great conversations over a one thousand piece....it won't be long at this rate.

Our New Learning Year

2011-09-25T14:37:00.000-07:00

Wow, has it really been 24 days since my last post!

We are starting week four of our new learning year. It has flown by so fast. We have a new team working with Isaac, a good fit this time. So grateful for this season of ease in that area.

Ease is a blessing, my friends....one I am learning not to overlook or expect but be thankful for and appreciate. What a gift when something is EASY.

I am still not totally settled with our routine and learning times but getting closer. This year I am using my version of Workboxes. (if you google it you will get more info then you care for :) They have proven to be very helpful for my middle guy and an accountability for my big girl. I have adapted the idea to better fit our needs and space. I use a Work-file-box with twelve file folders. Each folder has a velcro number on it that moves to the front outside of the box when completed. How ever many blanks are on the front of the box indicate the number of tasks that day. I break Isaac's down into very small junks and am finding that very helpful for us both. He knows up front how much he has to do and where to go next if I am with Eli or Journey. It is building a level of independence that is very good for him.

Eli's workbox using big truck numbers and the numbers written on the outside of the box so he can match them up.

This is my box with all the the things I need with me for each child. Sorry it's sideways no matter what I did it was uploaded this way. I love the top portion that holds different supplies that I and each child needs. No more "Where's my pencil?" or "I need glue!". They each have scissors, glue, color pencils etc in their bin. It really has produced more peaceful learning.

Less sharing during school in my house equals less chaos. Though I want my children to learn to share, in this setting it simply works better to keep our focus on one skill at a time. I love that these boxes are mobile. We don't always do our work at the table. We are sometimes on the floor with our lap boards. Sometimes we are on a bed, downstairs, reviewing concepts while bouncing on an exercise ball....even been known to crash into the couch head first as we discuss something. We move when we learn, we eat crunchy food when we learn, we have even been known to toss 5 pound workout balls back and forth for skip counting. All in a days learning at our house. These boxes go where ever we do so we don't need to stop in order to find the things we need.

This is Journey's workbox. She is into blue right now. Made me so happy to put this together for her.

I reload these the night before or in the morning. It only takes a few minutes because I keep the next page in folders at the back of the workbox.

I am still up in arms about Mystery of History I. I bought it but am wondering if Ambleside Online might be a better fit for history. Believe it or not as long as I am reading a story aloud to Isaac he will sit so still. He is fascinated by stories. Over the past few years we have gotten away from narration and more simple natural learning due to the obstacles we faced in daily life. Workbooks became such a blessing during that time. Anyway, all just musings and thoughts for another post.

Links to where I printed my workbox grid and numbers. Enjoy!
Blue Numbers
Construction Numbers and Blank Grid (her site has other creative numbers as well)
Confessions of a Homeschooler is where I found other workbox material and some fun stuff for Eli to enjoy this learning year.

8 Years Old

2011-09-01T22:53:00.000-07:00

Isaac turned 8 years old on August 13th.

We went to the Island to celebrate with family at his request.

He loves ice cream, his cousins and hunting for bugs.

Auntie Patty scored by getting him a safari vest complete with binoculars, compass, lantern and Morse code flashlight. He would have slept in it if I let him.

Handsome happy boy.

We spent the day at the beach and park. Hanging, eating, flying kites and checking out the sand sculpture contest. He had a blast.

Being a goof with his cousins. Love all these little people.

Isaac has grown SO much in the last year.

He is the bravest boy I know. I couldn't be more proud of him.

He is a treasure and a true blessing to our family.

A Peek In My Window 8-24-11

2011-08-25T15:17:00.001-07:00

Taking a peek in our window is as good an entry back into blog land as any other. So much preparing, relaxing and decluttering going on right now. And YES, you can declutter and relax at the same time. I find the former very relaxing and stress releasing. I do find little time for it most of the year so I tackle it over the summer. Can't wait to go into our new learning season with a spacious house and mind.

What's Happening Today?

Spending part of my day preparing for a friend to come visit tomorrow. I haven't seen her in almost 10 years. She was one of my dearest friends when I lived on Mercy Ships many moons ago. She hasn't meet my two youngest children. It will be short but I am sure a sweet visit.

The boys spent much of their morning hunting down flies, wasps, leather jackets and various other flying things to put in their bug collection. It is the most adorable thing to watch Eli follow his big brother around the yard with his dinosaur gumboots on the wrong feet saying "Go Ikey". We did have a sting this morning. Before you think me a bad mother....there is no stopping my 8 year old when he gets bug hunting in his head. He did return to his hunt after some ice and TLC but he IS demonstrating more caution. What is it with boys and the need to hunt?

The girly spent almost of an hour creating her animal magazine. Can't get this one out of a book or away from a pencil or keyboard. Something I said SO many times today. Please put the book down and go do_____.

Isaac turned 8 this summer.

Another biggie.....I have lost 20lbs since mid March this year. WOOT!

On My Mind

Mostly our new learning year. Getting things together. In the past that mostly meant the routine, the books and lists. Those have been prepared and thought through but most of my time is being poured into intentional living and learning. I am wanting to live well whatever comes more then rely on "The Plan" to get me through. I have been reading about building habits the Charlotte Mason way and have particularly enjoyed this downloadable e-book. It is short but full of good stuff. It compelled me to order the book Laying Down Rails. This little e-books explanation of why nagging doesn't work was an real eye opener for me. It would be well worth your read if you haven't already.

"What we must guard against in the training of children is the danger of their getting into the habit of being prodded to every duty and every effort" (Vol. 3, pg 39) Charlotte Mason

I'm Reading

~ Lots of Charlotte Mason. Including Vol 1. Home Education of Children Under 9

~ Give Them Grace Dazzling Your Kids With the Love of Jesus ~ Elyse Fitzpatrick

~ Learning In Spite of Labels Practical Teaching Tips and A Christian Perspective of Education ~ Joyce Herzog

~ Into the Wilderness ~ Sara Donati (I have already read this series of books while pregnant with Eli. There are 5 or 6 in the series. I want to read them again. I fell in love with this family and all they lived through in the late 1700's. It is on many levels a love story but one with backbone based around real history. I think there is another book out in the series that I haven't read yet.) Just an added note: Now that I am 300 pages into this series again, be warned there are some parts that are way more love story then I remember. I love the character development and the time period but didn't remember the other.

~ Enjoying hanging out in Timothy and Titus right now.

But when the goodness and loving kindness of God our savior appeared he saved us, not because of works done by us in righteousness but according to his own mercy.....Titus 3:4-5

So glad it's ALL about His mercy and not my works!

I'm Creating

~ A prayer journal

~ Yummy healthy food. This is a big priority around here.

~ Tons of pre-school activities for Eli (I am a closet hand laminator. I love it)

~ Workboxes for our upcoming learning year.

~ Routine for the fall....little by little each day.

I'm Listening to

~ Nothing but the birds and the wind in the trees (so happy right now)

I'm Grateful for

~ The new therapy person starting next week. God worked the details our so well and it was pretty effortless. Hard to express just how grateful I am. Last time it was a nightmare.

~ Isaac has come ALONG way in the last several months. So thankful for progress forward however slow at times.

~ Eli is a chatter box now. Can you believe it! I can't get him to STOP talking. He still needs speech therapy but his words sound like words and not grunts, so we are moving up in the speech world. He says the cutest things now.

When He falls he turns to me and says "Me kay mom, me kay". That's his way of letting me know he is okay. He says "hebby" for heavy. He counts everything by saying 1,2,3, 8,9,10. Can't tell ya how good it is to hear this kid talking. He brought me a toy with a word on it and said "wha say mama?". He already gets that words have meaning and they are related to talking. We are out of the woods people!

I'm in Faith for

~ A new therapy year. This last one was not stellar to say the least. It is a long story that honestly I don't care to share. The learning curve as a parent to find help and care for your child on the spectrum is a three ring circus and that's an understatement. It is overwhelming. I think we are on a good track with the right people now. Pray for and with us as we walk this year out?

~ A new learning year. I am the one who has received the education over the last year or so as I have tried to help my son learn. Hopefully in other posts I will flesh this out more as time allows. But I do know we are coming at learning from a different angle with a new and better idea of where we are headed and how to get there.

~ Being mom to a pre-teen girl, a young man with Asperger's and a high energy fun loving determined toddler

The Gospel In Today

I am basking in grace folks. It's where I find my peace. my rest, my sanity. As the scripture above in Titus says...it is all MERCY and not works. Meditating on this one piece of scripture informs my every move. I don't have to be perfect yet I need to work hard. I don't need to get it right but I need to serve others. I can give and give because he gave and gave and is still giving to me. I don't have to earn anything and I love that freedom as I lay my head on my pillow at night.

Yum!

2011-08-05T13:00:00.000-07:00

I have wholewheat, applesauce, dark chocolate chip, oatmeal banana bread cooking in my oven right now.....on this very crisp cool AUGUST morning. What is up with that! The last thing I would crave on an August morning but the smell of ripe bananas, the cool air and the lazy read aloud day we are having just called for some baking.

Can't wait to eat it!

Tonight we are going to the local berry farm to get our stash of blueberries to eat now and freeze for the rest of the year. What a great food day :o)

Summer or Fall?

2011-07-22T19:08:00.003-07:00

Okay, well......summer isn't going as blissfully as I had hoped.

You know.....sipping iced tea on the deck while the kids glide down the slip and slide all afternoon while I occasionally look up from my book. The many park days and dirty boys at the end of the day. The tons of books I planned to read and new summer recipes I'd hoped to try. The almost 3 year old that would be potty trained by now.

It has rained more since summer started then it did in spring or at least it feels that way. I am not complaining, it is far better then 112 degress on the East coast right now. Me no-do-good with hot!

What the weather has meant is more time inside then anticipated.

In my world there has to be structure or action due to one very handsome fellow in my house. So, with very little action we are returning to more structure in the form of STATIONS. I am hoping this will help calm everyone to have a plan and a place each day we are home.

So hear it is in my own chicken scratch:

(If you click on the picture it will enlarge)

I gleaned the idea here and modified it to fit my fam jam and our particular needs. I have a feeling that once this becomes a routine, which may take a week or so in itself, there will be more peace around here. I can also see this as an easy slide into a fall schedule if we keep calling them stations. There will simply be more learning stations.

I am doing much thinking and processing about our upcoming learning year. Honestly, I have moments of panic about it. Our therapy team is once again changing which means we are on the hunt for the right person. And I am working on making some big changes in how I teach my middle guy. He is SO resistant to learning and we are both tired of feeling like war breaks out over words and numbers. I am seeking, asking and researching how to turn him on to loving learning. He may lag behind in some scope and sequence but if he hates to learn we have lost across the board.

A post to come on this soon if time allows.

Grace

2011-07-19T15:00:00.000-07:00

"As our hearts are strengthened by grace, we’ll throw more gospel parties and less pity parties. We won’t think less of ourselves, we’ll just think about ourselves less of the time. We’ll keep shorter records of the ways others fail and longer records of your faithfulness to us. We’ll make a bigger deal about the things that really matter, and a lesser deal about the things which simply go with life in a broken world filled with broken people. We’ll live more generously and less miserly; more doxologically and less fearfully; more missionally and less obsessively… Jesus, it’s not just good, it’s essential for our hearts to be strengthened by your grace. So very Amen we pray, in your kind and loving name." by Scotty Smith

Read the entire prayer here.

Good Reads

2011-07-15T09:15:00.000-07:00

I have followed Kristen and her family since her trip with Compassion well over a year ago. This post shows clearly the difference Compassion does make, in OUR lives as well as of those sponsored. This had me in tears. We are looking for ways to do more as a family.

Loved this quote from a post at Desiring God:

"When my little girl told me, “Your hands are full!” I was so thankful that she already knew what my answer would be. It was the same one that I always gave: “Yes they are—full of good things!”
Live the gospel in the things that no one sees. Sacrifice for your children in places that only they will know about. Put their value ahead of yours. Grow them up in the clean air of gospel living. Your testimony to the gospel in the little details of your life is more valuable to them than you can imagine. If you tell them the gospel, but live to yourself, they will never believe it. Give your life for theirs every day, joyfully. Lay down pettiness. Lay down fussiness. Lay down resentment about the dishes, about the laundry, about how no one knows how hard you work."

This article effected me deeply related to the small things I don't put under gospel grace. If time allows I plan to write more on that later. Read the entire article here: Motherhood is a Calling.

I also wanted to recommend a book - The Praying Life by Paul Miller. It is a real, intimate relationship oriented book about prayer. No formulas, how to's (except a small chapter at the end with suggestions). I am reading and discussing this with a group of women. The first meeting was a rich time of honesty and biblical fellowship.

Would love to share more but my peeps need me.

Happy Weekend, friends

One Thousand Gifts (catch up)

2011-07-10T15:50:00.000-07:00

I have still been recording my gratitude with pen and paper while I have slowed my writing online. I thought I would just catch myself up in one blog post.

I have recently been going back and looking at old posts. There is so much of our life typed out on this blog. A whole five years worth! I want to back it up somewhere. Any ideas how you do this? Still can't believe I have been telling our story here for five years already.

Here goes....

282. Tonia and other online friends
283. Listening to Ann talk about "living where you are, fully living-giving thanks-looking for beauty"
284. encouragement to SEE Him in whatever means it comes
285. boy puckered lips
286. sleep-sweet sleep
287. Romans 8:34 - intervention
288. a child's obedient response
289. blessing of pouring out cares to Him
290. Isaac's spontaneous "I Love You" hug this morning
291. my new bike
292. sore bum and jelly legs
293. soaring down hills in rain
294. sa-boo (means slipper in baby boy words)
295. patiences even without sleep
296. our differences reflecting Him- all of us
297. fearless grace
298. remembering to learn with not just teach
299. a husband who grocery shops!
300. fresh clean sheets
301. three busy kiddos under foot
302. I don't have to get it right all the time
303. sun after rain
304. handwritten words in the mailbox
305. chocolate milk mustaches
306. clean counter tops
307. big girl chosen in writing contest
308. my girl being published at 11 years old
309. boy-mama love
310. boys making connections
311. bike riding as an entire family
312. Colossians
313. new fresh clean journal
314 new prayer journal
315. my girl who plays piano beautifully (great recital bug)
316.forgiveness for grumpiness
317. confidence in His grace
318. college level science labs to explore
319. only 4 math lessons left
320. God words on boy wall
321. sun over rain
322. Rosetta Stone French (no more excuses now)
323. The amazing help we receive in Canada for special need's...so grateful!
324. gospel grace
325. moments of clarity-seeing truth well
326. that "help" in my time of need
327. birds singing in early morning
328. the neighbors new baby
329. still using my duvet on June 1
330.friends in Philippines with Compassion
331. big girl smiles and giggles
332. Biology classes for 11 year olds at the local Christian University-so much fun
333. bike rides to the library
334. Refreshing Reeds book club
335. new trampoline
336. fresh sight to see the way to go
337. weeds that flower beautifully
338. boy helpers in the kitchen
339. books that stir my soul
340. His word that builds up and reminds me to build up with my words and actions
341. kind, gracious, restorative, refreshing sleep
342. gloves and trowel
343. rich, dark, life giving soil
344. quiet to dig weeds
345. 2 year old "mama dan" (mama dance with me)
346. a church who loves Jesus and really cares for people

Home

2011-07-07T12:43:00.000-07:00

The young mom Katy that I asked you to pray for....she went to be with the Lord early this morning.

Please continue to prayer for her three children (all 5 and under) and her husband Peter.

13 But we do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about those who are asleep, that you may not grieve as others do who have no hope. 14 For since we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so, through Jesus, God will bring with him those who have fallen asleep. 15 For this we declare to you by a word from the Lord, [1] that we who are alive, who are left until the coming of the Lord, will not precede those who have fallen asleep. 16 For the Lord himself will descend from heaven with a cry of command, with the voice of an archangel, and with the sound of the trumpet of God. And the dead in Christ will rise first. 17 Then we who are alive, who are left, will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air, and so we will always be with the Lord. 18 Therefore encourage one another with these words.

I Thess. 4:13-18

Needed This Today

2011-07-05T08:16:00.002-07:00

Re-post just because *I* needed to hear it myself.

Happy Tuesday friends!

Wild Beauty

2011-07-03T21:42:00.002-07:00

We escaped to the mountians for a few days.

One of my favorite places.

The Dogwood photos are Aaron's handywork.

The first time away alone in over eight years.

Just so you know, I was in a car when I took this.
I am not that brave.

This is my kind of noise.

It was slow, quiet and peaceful.

Perfect Weekend

Please Pray

2011-06-30T09:03:00.000-07:00

Would you join me in praying for a family in my church?

They are a sweet family with three little people. The mother, Katy is battling cancer. She has reached the end of what can be done to help her medically. So they are living life, loving God so steadfastly and spending time with their kids.

Every time I have ever been with Katy I have laughed so hard, she has an amazing sense of humor and a love for life.

Thanks friends!

The Mystery

2011-06-20T15:58:00.000-07:00

There are some things in life that you never really understand. You become more accustom to them. Over time they find their place in the landscape of your life.

Some things are harder then others. Some things just never make sense.

Watching your boy claw, aggress and fight his way out of a foreign social situation the way a cat reacts when thrown into water.....is just a mystery to me. I watched it today in full force, in a way I haven't in a long time. It caught me off guard.

The autistic mind is such a mystery to me.....

What is it like to react to a new face in a familiar setting the same way others react to being chased by an attacker? Or how you or I would panic if we were standing on the edge of a cliff and suddenly our foot slipped?

To hold your little boy kicking, pushing, ramming you to get away.......all from having a new person in his normal routine.

What must that be like for him? Life must feel so unsafe around every corner.

To feel panic, fear and such a flight response that your are willing to fight your own mother. I have no idea what it's like to not understand social settings and new people.

Like when the new girl in Sunday school sat in his seat 3 places from the left in the front row. Getting through that door to class was as if there were some awful, ugly, terrible monster waiting for him on the other side. The panic could be cut with a knife, it was so thick.

As a mother, seeing terror in this way does not shake off easily.

This truly is a mystery to me how his mind takes in and processes his world so different then mine does. How things I take for granted every single day are huge mountains for him to climb.

He is not a mean or bad kid but the outside world would argue that.

They judge the outside where God and a mother judge the heart.

He is my best snuggler, believe it or not :o)

A Few Quiet Moments

2011-06-16T18:39:00.001-07:00

I wanted to slip in and say hello.

I have a rare bit of time to myself. I am not feeling the best and my stellar man is doing dinner and hanging with the kids while I chill in my bed. He has had long hours and am so grateful (though I wish it wasn't due to feeling yucky) that he came home early today.

We are done with school officially, though we are doing a little over the summer to make next year lighter.
We are enjoying the lazy days and more time to do whatever strikes our fancy. Waiting for the sun to come and stay while.

I just recently finished a book called Practicing Affirmation by Sam Crabtree. Such a great book for an ole' perfectionist tendency girl like me. I have come along way over the last few years but I tend to tow a line and then find myself frustrated when I or they don't reach it. More grace! This book is a help in speaking those words of grace.

"Affirmation is like an invigorating sudsy shower after a long day of manual labor. It's like a cool rain after a long, hot dry spell, It delivers a combination of relief, respite, hope, optimism, satisfaction, and energy. It's life giving. It blesses."

I want to do this for my husband
I want to do this for my kids.
I want to do this for my friends
I want to do this in my church.

Live giving words.

Speaking out loud the "God at work" I see in people. To actually say the things I SEE in others not because they are so fantastic (flattery) but because He is showing up in them, being made in His image. Not waiting for some finished product but offering daily, the hope of grace at work in each and everyone of us.

A group of ladies at my church read this and then discussed it. Such an encouraging and refreshing time. A book club has evolved from this called Refreshing Reeds. Our next book is A Praying Life by Paul Miller. So excited by what God is going to do in our times together.

More quotes to come:o)

Now off to watch a movie all by myself. Pearl Harbor or Seabiscuit? Can't decide.

A New Passion

2011-05-31T21:13:00.000-07:00

You will never believe what we did recently. We biked English Bay and over the Burrard Street Bridge.

Me... biking over a bridge in the city.....go figure!

AND

I loved it.

My family did too.

This is our new thing.

When living in the city one must learn to love the city :o)

Though I look forward to trail biking too.

A little loopy after much exercsie.

Trust me, this little man is not light :o)

The view from the Burrard Bridge

Happy Trails!

His Strength, Not Mine

2011-05-24T20:26:00.002-07:00

This video at Wrestling With an Angel is so worth the five minutes it will take you to watch.

He explains God's goodness in the midst of disability and struggle so well.

God is at work doing similar things in my life.....bringing me to the end of my self confidence and strength.

It is a GOOD thing folks, the kindness of God but I am a slow learner.

Be encouraged no matter what circumstances you may be facing, my friends.

He is pursuing you and drawing you.

The Fog Has Lifted

2011-05-09T23:05:00.001-07:00

The other day I was walking up my street meeting a friend for a walk. We hadn't seen each other in several weeks and were looking forward to catching up. The sun was shining for the first time in a long time. Almost every house had someone in the front yard, like the older gentlemen on the bend of the road, gruffing along unwilling to say hello. The group of men laughing around a wheel barrow trying to solve some dirt and building problem. A little girl with such long dark hair skipping across her yard with a flower in hand, assumed for her mother. The two women chatting it up over the fence as they queried about what the neighbour across the way was doing. Everything was so alive....the trees, flowers, birds and people too. It felt like some kind of awakening! Bare in mind that I live where it rains or is gray from about November till April and this year it is STILL gray in May. So you can see why on a sunny day everyone crawls their way outside no matter what type of animal. :o)

As I walked up my street greeting neighbours it hit me so clearly that I myself was coming out of an awakening of my own. The sun was shining again in my soul and heart. It has been so very quiet around this place lately. Life just had me buried somewhere under all it's many fast moving bends, turns and spills. I have no desire to re-hash all that has gone on in the last several months, it is part and parcel for the path he has chosen for me. Some days are very hard and others easier. I am learning how to find the joy, rest and peace that comes from being closer to Him and not a change in my circumstances.

I have come to so appreciate a very simple, taken for granted, every day life thing......SLEEP. I stopped sleeping well after Eli was born ( 2.5 years ago). When he started sleeping I didn't. I tried some natural things that seemed to help. I struggled with insomnia off and on. It slowly got worse and it crept up on me till I found the end of myself, not able to function well, think straight and clearly (to close friends but not myself) depressed. At the point where I was only getting 2-3 hours a night for several weeks I realized I had to do something. I tried all the natural stuff and it only got worse. I saw my doctor and after some time we figured out what I needed. Anyway, now that I am sleeping soundly every night I see the world so differently.

There are pieces of myself I have had to get reacquainted with because I had lived in a fog so long that I didn't recognize myself. Walking up that hill I felt so awake, refreshed and most of all thought-filled. I hadn't thought and processed clearly in a long time and wasn't even aware of it. I enjoy having my mind back. I missed it :o) In my case my depressed mood was extreme sleep deprivation coupled with some real life challenges.

Not sure where I will go from here. I am finding it hard to get back into writing. It is not for lack of ideas but more from a lack of time. Life takes much time to be lived well. That is my desire...to care for and serve my family for His glory. When I have extra time I plan to write here.

(If anyone is interested in how I dealt with my insomnia I am happy to share. Just drop me an email)

Another Year

2011-04-21T21:12:00.001-07:00

April 19th marks nine years since we met and said goodbye (for now) to our second child Jonah Ethan.

Every year the day approaches and it "feels" easier to face, yet every year without fail I am caught off guard by the emotion. It isn't a why or where that catches me, it's the not knowing.

Not knowing what life would be like with a nine year old boy stomping through the house.
Not knowing if his hair is red (like his siblings) or dark like it was at birth.
Not knowing if he would be the family clown or the serious one.
Not knowing what his laugh sounds like,
Not knowing his smile or tears.

There is a space left in our lives.

I often think of all the "one mores". There would be one more bike in the garage, one more plate at the table, one more towel in the bathroom, one more jacket to hang, one more pair of shoes to buy, one more person to laugh with and one more to walk life with.

I miss his little body that I said goodbye to but mostly I miss knowing what made him who he is....something I have to wait to find out.

As tradition, we as a family toss stones from Jonah's funeral into the ocean each year. A reminder that he lives on even though we can't see him nor know him. It is also a physical reminder that he was born and had a name and a family. No matter where those stones end up they will stand for Jonah's life. I love knowing they are out there.

I have been listening to Steven Curtis Chapman's newest CD Beauty Will Rise. It has ministered to my soul so much this week. To have someone sing your own feelings and heart in so many ways is a blessing. This particular song encouraged my heart this week.

It was a beautiful day to remember and hope.

1 Thessalonians 4:13-18

13 But we do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about those who are asleep, that you may not grieve as others do who have no hope. 14 For since we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so, through Jesus, God will bring with him those who have fallen asleep. 15 For this we declare to you by a word from the Lord, [1] that we who are alive, who are left until the coming of the Lord, will not precede those who have fallen asleep. 16 For the Lord himself will descend from heaven with a cry of command, with the voice of an archangel, and with the sound of the trumpet of God. And the dead in Christ will rise first. 17 Then we who are alive, who are left, will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air, and so we will always be with the Lord. 18 Therefore encourage one another with these words

Read this!

2011-04-21T11:08:00.000-07:00

So worth your time as moms to read and re-read this post.

Obedience is a Pathway

Love and blessings over this Easter weekend.

A Book

2011-04-16T15:47:00.001-07:00

“Now” - said a good book unto me -
“Open my pages and you shall see
Jewels of wisdom and treasures fine,
Gold and silver in every line,
And you may claim them if you but will
Open my pages and take your fill.

“Open my pages and run them o’er,
Take what you choose of my golden store.
Be you greedy, I shall not care -
All that you seize I shall gladly spare;
There is never a lock on my treasure doors,
Come - here are my jewels, make them yours!

I am just a book on your mantel shelf,
But I can be part of your living self;
If only you’ll travel my pages through,
Then I will travel the world with you.
As two wines blended make better wine,
Blend your mind with these truths of mine.

“I’ll make you fitter to talk with men,
I’ll touch with silver the lines you pen,
I’ll lead you nearer the truth you seek,
I’ll strengthen you when your faith grows weak -
This place on your shelf is a prison cell,
Let me come into your mind to dwell!”

by Edgar Guest

Couldn't resist sharing this after I read it.

Motherhood

2011-04-13T15:31:00.001-07:00

I have been working my way through The Ministry of Motherhood by Sally Clarkson.

I am getting so much out of this book. I have read so many parenting books but most center around discipline and correction. This book teaches and inspires me to build a Christ centered relationship with my children. Is is very practical in the many areas of guiding, training and influencing my children.

For someone who did not grow up in a Christian home with strong family relationships it is such a blessing! She walks through what it looked like to build faith, trust, hope, purpose, grace and service into her family. It has been so encouraging and inspiring.

"Knowing the limitations of my responsibility has actually been quite freeing to me. I can be God's agent of cultivating the hearts of my children; in fact, I'm supposed to fill that role. But only God can give them life, strength, and divine guidance. This means my success in life or motherhood or as a Christian is not dependent on my being perfect, but my allowing God, in the Person of the Holy Spirit, to work through me to accomplish his purposes. His life is far more powerful and authoritative than mine. As I depend on him, he who began a work in me will perfect it (Philippians 1:6) He will do the same for the precious ones he has entrusted me.

That understanding is one of the finest gifts of faith I can ever give my children. Even as I depend on the Lord, I must help them learn to depend on him. I must use as many ways as I can think of, as Christ did, to convey to them that none of us has to live the Christian life alone."

Just Because

2011-04-01T15:41:00.000-07:00

....he is so cute!

# 281

2011-03-21T22:19:00.001-07:00

This is the only entry I have made in my 1,000 gifts notebook this week but it's a good one!

#281 ~ Aaron burping the alphabet while the kids gutted themselves laughing. Even Journey started laughing and she is mortified by any passing of any kind of wind :o) We were even at the dinner table (against mama's better judgement at first)!

Who says there aren't special occasions for being goofs? I LOVE hearing my children laugh and I even joined in once I got past being the manners police.

So if my children visit your house and then proceed with the alphabet in this manner, please call my husband and not me.

A joyful heart is good medicine. Proverbs 17:22

Something to Ponder Today

2011-03-21T08:47:00.001-07:00

"How do you see your children? What informs your mind when you look upon their sweet faces? Do you see them through the eyes of Jesus? Do you focus on them as someone to police or correct–or someone to love and serve, understand, protect, love and instruct?

As in all great work, it requires so very much time, effort, work, fortitude, faith and patience. But raising Godly children is of the most important work in eternity."

Read the entire post at I Take Joy.

I come from the background of formula parenting and and being "productive" as the highest priority. Though I have come a long way in the last several years.....I have a long way to go. I so appreicate Sally's heart and wisdom in parenting and loving our children.

I am looking forward to the remainder of her posts on parenting.

Giving Thanks In Ink

2011-03-14T19:45:00.002-07:00

Isn't this an adorable notebook? Frugal (aka the dollar store) and sweet. I love that it is spiral at the top. Makes it easier to leave it open all over the place for inking out the many gifts in my day.

I originally started my gratitude journal on paper. Over time without really noticing I was only recording my list online. The less I used paper the less I wrote down, the less I really watch for the gifts, the less present I was with my thanks. So, I have started writing everything from number one into this cute little notebook in order to have it all in one ink and paper place. I will always prefer words in ink no matter where technology takes us.

Now, I leave my notebook all over (the kitchen mostly) and am really catching the gifts as they come. There is something about seeing the gift and lingering over it as it is recorded that makes it stick with me. When I was only writing on the computer, I had to strain to remember when I finally got to sit down. Much better this way :o)

#267-280

~ long walks with good friends ~ the chirp and song of our new bird ~ the peace of not comparing ~ loving right where I am ~ boys making peace ~ belly laughs over feathery friend ~ "mama, can you tuck me in?" ~ frost and sunlight under evergreens ~ little signs of truth posted on my path ~ breathing, laughing, curious kids ~ blueberries ~ bike rides on rainy days ~ free dog shows ~ 5-HTP

Peace

2011-03-06T21:56:00.000-08:00

My friend Tonia is starting a series on walking in peace. This is something I long to walk out in my daily life... living His peace on the inside no matter what is happening on the outside.

You will be blessed by her words and experience.

Keeping the Peace - a series

Which Ruler Will You Choose?

Just a Glimpse

2011-03-02T21:50:00.000-08:00

The words written have been few but not for lack of thought or full life lived. I am finding the spread between an (almost) 11 year old and a 2 year old with a very original out of the box 7 year old in the middle to be.....well, time consuming. Doing the pre-teen girl chat contrasted with hearing the same word over and over (mama,mama,mama,) is such a privilege but tiring on a good day.

There have been many changes going on with Isaac's therapy.

We are pretty sure the Eli has apraxia of speech. Which in a nut shell is a muscle/ neuro related speech delay. We have many appointments related to this going, on top of Isaac's schedule. It is a very busy time around here.

A little peek in.......

Happy w/ himself. He loves to draw. I can get him to do almost anything if he can draw a picture of it.

Working together side by side. A skill that doesn't come easy to some of us. And with Eli's limited words his frustration level is easy crossed.

Our new family member, Citrus the budgie. Our friends passed this little birdie on to us after their pair laid eggs. We are all enjoying our new feathered friend. Journey especially loves her new pet. They are two peas in a pod.

A playmobile windstorm on sippy cup lids. Water play is always a hit around here.

Help.....

2011-02-28T20:46:00.000-08:00

#260 - 266

~ in the form of a listening ear

~ through the written word

~ in a thoughtful email

~ from a hand written letter

~ from a Holy Spirit prompting

~ in a well spoken word

~ in a wooden cross

Happy Valentines day...delayed.

2011-02-20T21:30:00.004-08:00

February 14th took on new meaning in our world nine years ago.

I can still feel those words...."incompatible with life".

It was my 18 week ultrasound with our son Jonah and we were told he would never live outside of my body. Oh God, so painful - so, so overwhelming. Words are inadequate to express it. The blow of hearing your baby is not going to live is BRUTAL to say the least.

Shortly before Valentines Day, Clarissa a new blog friend said goodbye to her own son. We have so many similarities to our story. Their son Elijah was born February 9th and lived 88 precious minutes.

It is SO unnatural to hold your baby till they die, to watch them take their last breath. It is a mark that cuts deep and never totally heals over. It leaves a scar that you as a mama will take to your own grave.

That same scar is also a living reminder of God's steadfast unwavering love and goodness. Wounding comes, excruciating pain and loss but it comes with desperation that pushes and shoves us toward the God of all comfort and peace.

I went kicking and screaming at first, trying to marry a good God with a dead baby boy. The two seemed like oil and water at the time. Now, I see the trail of comfort, kindness, pursuit, wooing, drawing that He laid out just for me. Through such pain and loss He forged a perfect path to see my desperate need for Him and His compassion, mercy and grace.

He used the death of His son

AND

The death of my son........ to show himself to me.

Jonah's short life carries with it such a profound legacy to his family. We miss him and look forward to our reunion!

Take a minute and go visit Clarissa and Elijah...a sweet little boy already home..... mama remains and it is hard to stay behind and say goodbye. Let's acknowledge this precious little life and pray for this grieving family.

Boy Love

2011-02-17T15:58:00.001-08:00

(It's not Eli's birthday...I just love this picture of my middle man)

Isaac came upstairs today and said:

"Mom I like you.

You smell like roses and jam."

He made my day. I'll take roses and jam anyday.

(So little time to write right now folks. Things should slow down next week)

This.....

2011-02-09T14:22:00.000-08:00

cut deep today.

I have always counted passion as the high road....I think I have been missing something. Passion is easy.

Love is not passion. It is the pulse of sacrifice.

read the entire post here.

Baby Baking

2011-02-07T22:33:00.000-08:00

#256 - #259

~ baby and flour
~ big girl helping baby
~ shear excitement and joy over bowls, spatulas and whisks
~ flour foot prints

My Man

2011-01-31T16:36:00.000-08:00

This week my gratefulness is centered around the things I love and appreciate about my husband Aaron.

He is a very loving, kind and patient man. It is a good thing because he lives with me!

#241 - #255

~ He reads the kids scripture before bedtime.

~ He comes home to me every single night.

~ He works very hard everyday to take care of us.

~ He commutes long hours to get to that job that takes care of us (1 hr 45 min. one way)

~ He always tells me to "ask for help" instead of stress out.

~ He will take all 3 kids to give me a break and is happy to do so...he nevers makes me feel bad about getting some time to myself.

~ He will fold and put away laundry when I am behind

~ He never says anything about the house when it is a mess...he knows I am working hard too.

~ He doesn't complain when I serve him soup from a can (or even a bowl of cereal ) for dinner when it has been a kid crazy day

~ He buys me flowers sometimes just for the heck of it.

~ He does the dinner dishes pretty much every night after dinner.

~ He brushes teeth and puts the kids to bed every night he is home.

~ He actually wants to hear my opinions, thoughts and ideas (not sure why).

~ He is a servant at heart and loves to help people.

~ He still loves me after 13 years of seeing my true colors.

Books 2011 (finally)

2011-01-30T15:35:00.002-08:00

This year I have a gnawing desire to see grace and mercy in action.

Over the last several years God has done a work in my heart to show me His grace and mercy. I have grown so much in my understanding of His grace toward me. I have learned to apply and preach the gospel to myself regularly which is something that I never knew I needed to do. This one practice has changed my life. It has addressed shame, guilt, condemnation and learning to rest like no other spiritual discipline. The gospel isn’t just for the salvation process it is for the everyday life until I get to heaven process.

Now, I am more hungry to see grace at work outside of myself. I want to be more about giving mercy and grace away, like the free gift that it is and has been to me. I want to walk this out more with my kids and husband, with others and their stories and with those most in need. I am not sure what that actually means but I trust God to show me.

All that said, my reading list is very different from my typical fare. Much less theology and more real life application. Some of these books I have not read so bear that in mind as you browse for reading suggestions.

There are more books here then I will probably read. Just the nature of who I am :o) I am always reading more then one book at a time.

I will mark the ones I plan to read for sure and leave the hopefuls blank. I have left off links to save myself time. :o)

Family/Marriage

Love and Respect ~ Dr. E. Eggerichs *

The Ministry of Motherhood ~ Sally Clarkson *

Age of Opportunity ~ P. Tripp *

For Women Only ~ S. Feldhann *

Families Where Grace in In Place ~ J. Vanvonderon

Grace Based Parenting ~ T. Kimmel

Amusing Ourselves to Death ~ N. Postman

Organized Simplicity ~ T. Oxenreider (half way through this one)

Real Learning ~ E. Foss * (I try to read one home education book a year)

The Shallows What the Internet Does to Our Brains ~ N. Carr

Spiritual/ Missions

One Thousand Gifts ~ A. Voskamp (been waiting forever to get this... hopefully this week) *

Don’t Waste Your Life ~ J. Piper (finished already…great book)

Respectable Sins ~ J. Bridges *

Spiritual Rhythms ~ M. Buchanan

Too Small to Ignore ~ Dr. W. Stafford *

The Hole In Our Gospel ~ R. Stearns*

Soul Survivor ~ P. Yancy * ( He talks about the 12 people who shaped his life)

The Gift of Pain ~ P. Brand (more on this one at the end) *

Autism /Special Needs

Finding Your Childs Way on the Autism Spectrum ~ Dr. L Hendrickson (finished)
~Best book to date on living daily with this…she is a mother of an autistic child, a Christian and a psychologists.

Help Your Anxious Child ~ Rapee (finished)

The Way I see It ~ T. Grandin * (half way done)

Thinking In Pictures ~ T. Grandin *

Boys Should Be Boys ~ M. Meeker

Health/Cooking

The Healthy Family ~ S. Richards (working through this…love her meal plan ideas)

The End of Overeating ~ D. Keesler *

Real Food ~ N. Planck *

Novels /Others

House Rules ~ J. Picoult (almost done.. the plot is about a boy with Aspergers. She writes from his perspective and it is such good insight at times. Just be warned there is language and the plot is based around a murder but with very few details.)

Oliver Twist ~ C. Dickens *

The Man Who Was Thursday ~ GK Chesterton *

I will read other novels as they come along.

I have saved the best for last. I am re-reading my most favourite book ever this year. I think this is my fourth time through.

The Gift of Pain ~ Dr. Paul Brand/P/ Yancy ****

It follows Dr. Brand’s life story and his work with leprosy patients in India. It is not for the faint at heart. It deals head on with pain. I don’t want to ruin it for anyone who wants to read it, but it WILL effect you…I promise.

Happy Reading!

C.L.A.S.

2011-01-29T15:17:00.001-08:00

My friend Tonia has started something. :o)

I am super excited about it!

It is a group of ladies who want to connect via the pen and paper trail. No instant message, quick three word text, no facebook and not even email...gasp. We are using ink and good old fashion trees to communicate.

It is a lost art.

I find my my heart finds better expression when hand and ink are connected. The clicking of the key board works but ya know....it just is not the same.

I love the expression that comes through the individual formation of the letters from one person to another. No two hands write the same, yet with a key board it is all STANDARD ROMAN. I get a kick out of how different people write their J's and I's.

And so you will be thoroughly convince I am loosing it, I'll let you in on a little secret. I like the sound of pen on paper. The methodical strokes are like the lapping of waves on the beach. Okay, I'll stop now. I love to write. Though my writing can be sparse around here my journal is not a lonely book.

To give you a little taste

''Whenever we take up a pen and write we are capturing moments in time. When we send those captured moments across the miles in the form of a letter, we are sharing our histories with each other.''

''Because this world is too fast, too virtual, too shallow. We need slow, deep, tangible beauty in our lives and going to the mailbox to find a friend's words captured on paper and sent across the miles is one of those beauties.''

So will you join us?

.Will you write some life history with me?

I know there are a few lurkers out there. Maybe you prefer pen and paper too.

Anyone who wants to start a pen and paper trail together let me know. Go under my profile and send me an email and we will get started.

Pondering This

2011-01-27T14:25:00.001-08:00

"I realize that I have taken on the role of the peace-maker and conducting harmony in our home. Soothing this one, encouraging that one, pushing the toe of one under the dinner table to gently encourage then to stop talking! But ultimately, it is the normal jousting of a family, all sinners, redeemed but at different points of maturity. I cannot make all of these sweet ones be at peace - but I can be at peace."

Sally Clarkson

Together

2011-01-24T22:54:00.001-08:00

#233 - 240

~ stories with little boys
~ animated animal sounds
~ learning to say cousin Dawson's name......Daw..Daw
~ favorite books we love to read over and over
~ blankets, hot drinks and read alouds
~ writing poetry with my girl
~ drawing dragons with my big boy

Books 2011

2011-01-23T20:34:00.001-08:00

I am working out my 2011 reading list. I am focusing mostly on books I already have at this time. I don't know about you, but can tend to get them but not read them right away. There are three still on their way and then I have them all.

I have been ordering from Book Depository over the last several months and love it. No shipping cost even if you order only one book. I like being able to order one at a time and not having to wait till I have over a certain amount like with Amazon. The shipping is a bit slower but that doesn’t bother me. They also don't have everything I am interested in.

A disclaimer......some of these books are exploratory reading for me. Meaning I wouldn’t recommend everything on my list just yet because I haven’t read it. I have spent many years reading almost exclusively doctrine and theologically rich books. It has been an amazing season and so life changing. I am feeling drawn this year toward books on grace and mercy ministries for the most part.

I have decided not to create links except to the bible reading in order to save time. Just mosey on over to Book Depo or Amazon and search away!

The Bible ~

I am reading through the bible with the M’Cheyne Bible Reading Plan this year. Two chapters in the morning and two chapters at night. The habit of adding bible reading at night has been a challenge. But I am determined to make it work. I also discovered these commentary/ devotionals that go along with this reading plan:

For Love of God Vol 1 & Vol 2 by D.A. Carson

(Book Depository doesn't carry these)

I like how they provide devotional and explanation along the way. I am no bible scholar and enjoy others thoughts to get my own flowing. We may start reading portions of this as our family bible reading.

Book list to follow this week.

More of You

2011-01-19T15:46:00.007-08:00

During the break between Christmas and New Year my husband had a full week off. I cannot remember the last time he was home for seven straight days in a row. Though he did work several hours in those seven days he didn't make the trip downtown into the city. It was bliss.

My thoughtful husband sent me off by myself for a day and a half of those seven days.....this falls in the bliss category too. I packed a small clothes bag and then another large one for all the books, journal, paper and bible. Left with my last dollar, I'd rather be in rags with a good book then looking good with nothing to read. :o)

The whole family drove me off to the hotel on the beach, inspected my room which met approval and drove away. I just sat on the bed for the longest time.

My soul and body craved this. I didn't really get that until I was there.

I then set to unpacking my things. I am weird that way. I always need to settle my things in a new place before I can relax and think. The clothes bag took all of two seconds but I slowly stacked my books, papers and journal on the table, thinking about how the next 40 hours might go.

I got what a gift this was and so longed to use it wisely.

The thoughts started rattling through my mind. I had already gotten into my pajama's at 4pm and put on my favorite coffee in preparation for operation "productive planning". As I am shuffling papers getting things in order I am praying quietly about where to start and it comes..........

This inner quiet nudge. A quiet voice.

MORE of ME

I looked up and the sun was going down (yes, it sets around 4 ish where I live) over the water. It took my breathe away. My craving and desire for God was overwhelming at that moment. As I looked out the window there were power lines and poles and deck railings, all obstacles to seeing the beauty in it's fullness but yet, I was swept away by the awe of creation. The sun, the water and the one who made it all for me to enjoy.

My eyes were opened in that moment to many things in my life that were obstacles to SEEing him. So much of life had cluttered my vision, taken my eyes off of the prize and caused this aching lack. Instead of SEEing the beauty and awe of Him, I was fixed on the power lines, power pole and deck railings. I was seeking less obstacles and less trouble more then I was HIM.

I wanted less struggle, less work, less to overcome and battle through each day. This is where my time, thoughts and prayers were being spent. I needed to stop moving away from trouble and my daily attempt at trying to protect myself from it.

God is our refuge and strength,
a very present help in trouble.
Psalm 46

It was as if God was saying move toward ME in the midst of trouble.

Wade through the mud setting your gaze on ME not the sludge.

Climb over those boulders leaning on MY shoulder.

Face the words and disappointments cradled in MY arms.

It's NOT less of that ....it's more and more and more of Him!

more PRAISE
MORE Thanks
more DEPENDENCE
MORE rest
more TRUST
More AWE

I had begun to believe that relief would come from removal of the difficulty or trouble. Reality is that with just the removal of trouble I would still be seeking help and satisfaction in my own self not in Christ. I need him even without obvious trouble. He knows that, but I on the other hand tend to think the lack of trouble is the answer not satisfaction in Him. This makes trouble a mercy not an enemy. It is a tool to get me where I need to be to SEE Him.

I felt I needed to soak my thoughts and trouble with more of Him. In doing that I will have a trouble repellent shield. It reminded me of flame resistant material. It gets hot but it doesn't burn. The trouble will still exist but it won't touch my heart the same and cause me to retreat, run, stress or loose hope. It will make me run home!

More and More of You Lord,
not less trouble.

Choosing the Small

2011-01-17T22:36:00.001-08:00

Choosing to SEE the small,

The insignificant moments,

The little things as the great treasures they are.

So much to mark as grace,

So much to give thanks for.

#211-232

~ Eli's new facial expressions (they are many)

~ Eli's slow coming but progressive attempts at words.

~ Boys and snow

~ Boys and snowballs

~ The wonder of white in his eyes

~ sweet love of big sister and little brother

~ her begging for a baby kiss

~ him sticking out his cute little lips

~ the belly laugh when she tickles

~ the push and grunt when he has had enough

~ big boy and new bike
~ his love of the color red
~ his joy over anything with wheels
~ his desire to go fast and feel the wind
~ his love of nature

~ my boy and his toys

~ his passion for flying and wings

~ cousins

~ sleepovers

~ late night giggles

~ life long friends

~ each girl a gift, gift, gift

In All Things

2011-01-10T18:12:00.064-08:00

Giving thanks in all things, a practice I long to grow in, causes me to be more present in this moment.

It changes ..........

how I SEE

how I THINK

how I ACT.

So I begin again, marking the goodness of God.

One hundred ninety one to two hundred ten

~ Sun in winter
~ Ice on boardwalks
~ Walks in peace and quiet
~ Matt Redman leading my heart in worship

~ Ocean and houses
~ Water and rocks
~ Seagulls and clam shells
~ Dogs and tidepools

~ Sunsets at dusk
~ Birds in winter
~ Quiet meditation
~ Hot coffee

~ Snow cap mountains by the sea

~ City sandwiched in between

~ Glimmer of the sun on water

~ Hats, mittens and throwing rocks

~ Baby boots and waddles

~ The grimace of baby against boulder

~ Ice covered logs to slick for walking

~ My peeps and me

2011-01-06T06:44:00.000-08:00

I have been following Jess' blog for some time now. She is mom to a young girl with autism. She writes about their daily life together in such a honest yet encouraging hopeful way.

This post is well worth your read.

It rings so true with where I am in my autism journey.

My (two) Word(s)

2011-01-05T20:55:00.007-08:00

Present ~ be all there where I am

Simplicity

This last year has been whirlwind of change. We moved again and I think we are pushing a world record in that area. Long hours for Aaron, health issues, depression, and the introduction of autism into our lives. Honestly, I have never felt more weak nor distracted in my whole life. I have had my fair share of intense life prior to this year but this year took the cake.

In doing research, finding help, addressing daily life issues with a child on the spectrum our lives became somewhat of a busy crazy mess. Routine and rhythm were out the window. To much information and research plus slugging though each day battling depression almost consumed me. I didn't even realize I was sinking. I lost the ability to think well and clearly. I stopped reading for fun or learning except for information on Autism. It's as if I've lost most of my ability to think deep thoughts and for extended periods of time. I literally thought I was losing my mind at times. Just taking in snippets of information always scanning quickly and never lingering long really does change how your brain functions......I am convinced of it.

So, after coming to terms with these things over the last few months I have made some other discoveries. One being that I have a B12 deficiency that mimics depression and focus problems. I also let the anxiety over my sons autism take me for a ride. Not abnormal but unacceptable. I know the God who is the designer and creator of this little boy and who provides all I need for life and godliness. There are still days I wrestle this one to the ground.

I let the urgent become the dictator in our house, giving into it's very whim. The unknown (autism) made me feel out of control and panicky. The help we pursued took along time to come. As I type this 4 months later it has produced little real help for us but has come at a great cost to us on many levels. I was relying on professionals and analysts to fix things. And there is valid help but IT is not my hope or quick fix. I know my child more and better then anyone else. Though professionals can be of help we have to do what is best for our child, on our terms, even if it doesn't look right to others. I stopped listening to myself, to the Holy Spirit in me and that intuition that He has gifted me with (as he has all of us). What was I thinking? The point is I wasn't.

My life got complicated, stressful and out of control on many levels. This New Year I am gaining that ground back. I am backing off of information addiction for His presence and rest. It is SO easy when your tired, stressed and overwhelmed to zone instead of think, seek and wait. I am digging myself out of that hole right now. And for those of you who know me well and my all to common habit of being hard on myself......be assured that I accept the learning curve we are on to be steep and I'm not being too hard on myself. Grace upon grace!

I am returning to a simple life. No more tons of people coming and going. Going back to learning in a flexible joy filled way without all the time frames and agenda's. Finding peace and beauty in the basics of life...reading together, just talking about whatever, eating simple heathly meals, enjoying friends, playing games, getting outside in nature (even when it's freezing) and just being together. And taking the difficult days right along with the breezy ones.

I want to be intentional this year with ~

~ being fully where I am instead of projecting into tomorrow or even that afternoon. When they say "Mama look at my drawing" I want to look at it like it was the first time I have ever seen a dragon drawing even though they are drawn in my house daily.

~ making simple nutrious meals for my people. I don't really enjoying this but am working at that. Finding joy and beauty in it.

~ taking in to much information, to fast and doing nothing with it. It is like a drug in some ways and is such a time waster. I need to use the internet wisely and not let it use me. I want to ponder and think instead of gather information.

~ reading for enjoyment and for influencing my heart in that slow thougtful way that only reading can do. I am creating my book list and plan to read ones I already have on hand. Very different from my typical choices.

~ taking care of myself by managing my B12 issues well and getting regular exercise

~ with my words. The ones I write, the ones I say, the ones I read and the ones I memorize.

This quote has been circling my head the last few days:

“Time is a relentless river and it rages on, respecter of no one.

And the only way to slow time is this: Enter fully into the current moment and the stream of time slows — slows — with the weight of a soul’s full attention.

We slow the torrent by being all here.
Life at its fullest is this sensitive, detonating sphere, and it can be carried only in the hands of the unhurried and reverential—a bubble held in awe.”

A. Voskamp

Ahh...A New Year

2011-01-02T23:16:00.004-08:00

Typically about this time I am re-thinking and evaluating the last year and gearing up for the new one....both feet forward. This year that is not the plan nor the desire. We are doing the basics, just purposeful simple daily life and that is good enough.

I have no expectation except that God is with me and at work. I want to take and live each day to it's fullest. Seeing God.....in the mess, chaos, sin, joys, disappointments and growth. Not wasting my time on tomorrow.

I am not even ready to start our learning routine tomorrow...gasp! Instead of prep I have been catching the stomach flu in a bucket. That's the plan today. Tomorrow will take care of itself.

Last year my word for the year was Relationships. Are you seeing the trend with the stomach flu?

As I have prayed and thought about 2011 two words were stirring in my heart. Not sure if it's okay to have two words instead of one....wait sure it is! My life, my words and my blog, hopefully for His glory.

One thing I have come to terms with over the last few months is being at rest with myself in this cyber space. I definitely have standards about what I will and won't share here but I spent far to much time being concerned about how things would be perceived.

So as 2011 kicks off, I feel a sense of freedom as I muse about God's work in this little family of mine. I hope that my words, my sharing, my story will be of some good to someone else for His glory.

For that to happen I actually need to show up here and write something. Hoping to improve on that in the New Year.

Happy New Year friends.

Words still to come.

The Wait is Almost Over

2010-12-24T23:35:00.000-08:00

Christ has Come!

So grateful

A little Christmas cutie added for fun.

Merry Christmas

2010-12-09T16:19:00.001-08:00

There has not been much going on around this little space.

Much in life, little time or desire to write.

I will be officially taking a break until the new year.

I wish you and your family a very Merry Christmas.

Truth

2010-12-02T11:34:00.000-08:00

for my soul and mind today....here

Many Thoughts

2010-11-29T22:38:00.000-08:00

.....few words.

But missing these little curly Q's on my babies head.

Curls all gone :o(

Daily Risk

2010-11-22T07:00:00.000-08:00

Been spending alot of time in this book.

"It is impossible to risk your life to make others glad in God if you are an unforgiving person. If you are wired to see other people's faults and failures and offenses, and treat them roughly, you will not take risks for their joy. This wiring - and it is universal in all human beings - must be dismantled. We will not gladly risk to make people glad in God if we hate them, or hold grudges against them, or are repelled by their faults and foibles. We must become forgiving people.

Don't start raising objections about hard cases. I am talking about a spirit, not a list of criteria for when we do this or that. Nor am I talking about wimpy grace that can't rebuke or discipline or fight. The questions is, do we lean toward mercy? Do we default to grace? Do we have a forgiving spirit? Without it we will walk away from need and waste our lives."

John Piper

This is my 500th post! Hard to believe I have written that much and hard to believe there are people still reading :o)

A Little Book Discovery

2010-11-19T06:12:00.003-08:00

We have recently discovered the Piggie and Gerald books by Mo Willems. Isaac is slowly starting to read more easily. These books have helped him cross the threshold. They are FUNNY. I find myself sneaking off when we return from the library to read them ahead of time because I don't want to wait for Isaac to read them to me aloud. Not only are they funny but they deal with friendships and relationships, which is nothing but good for my Aspie boy who struggles with both of those things. It's like a little social story that is hilarious to him.

I can't express how much I LOVE watching him enjoy reading and laughing as he does.

Doesn't get any better then that.

Reading has been an uphill climb for us. He voluntarily read three of them yesterday on his own initiative. If we get interrupted he just keeps reading himself.......never happened before these books. He still gets a marshmallow too, but hey, at least it's per book now and not per sentence :o)

Thank you Mo Willems.

This is one of my favorites.

Happy Reading!

Camping Out

2010-11-17T09:54:00.000-08:00

I haven't fallin" off the face of the earth....though that actually sounds appealing right about now. The view would be beautiful and the sensation of fly and floating is right up my alley these days. :o)

Journey and I had a fantastic mama daughter weekend. A much needed time for both of us.

Things are intense to say the least right now. Getting help seems to have turned into being more work and stress then I could have imagined. So far it feels like so little of this is about getting help and more about everybody else. I had no idea what I signed up for. God is at work it's just not all that smooth of a ride.

Would appreciate your prayers over the next little while. Many decisions to make and the resolve to stick with our convictions and priorities for our family.

This is where I am camping out.

And here too.

A guarded heart and mind is what I need right now.

Thankfully I have one who can provide that.

Away We Go

2010-11-11T21:42:00.002-08:00

This beautiful girl and I are going away on an overnight mama daughter date this weekend.

We are swimming, reading, playing games and just hanging out...girls only.

Can't wait!

So I Write

2010-11-10T14:50:00.000-08:00

I have been reading every where I go lately about blogging for the glory of God through telling your story. Instead of that being freeing it has made me reluctant to write. It truly is a brave thing to put yourself and your story out here for all to see (to a certain level).

I guess I am still battling with judgement and not even the overly critical kind. I often feel like I don't fit. I would probably be considered Calvinist by label but I think anyone who loves Jesus is great. I prefer to be called a Calvary-ist as my pastor recently shared. I have very strong convictions but have no problem with yours. I think theology and doctrine is pretty central but would never choose it over people and loving and listening to them. I think diversity shows the beauty of God's creation in people and nature yet I have my own distinct ways of appreciating both. I like simple ways, quiet days and kind intense discussion. I have thick skin and a soft spot for the underdog and feel very strongly. I am very passionate (emotional) and logically practical all at the same time. I tend to adapt to who I am with because I see that as preferring my neighbour. It can be perceived as not being true to oneself or honest and I disagree.....I want to be true to Him and in doing that I am being true to myself.

Ultimately, I think it is fear. It is one thing to criticize someone's theology or belief but totally different thing to judge someone's story.

So to step out in this I plan to finish Jonah's story The Sovereignty Chronicles. It gives me a place to start.

His work in each of us is for His glory. That's what makes the story valuable.

So I write my story.

Weekend Fun

2010-11-07T22:46:00.001-08:00

This is what we have been up to this last week.

The kids and I have had a blast filling our Operation Christmas Child boxes.

We've also offically starting listening to Christmas music.

We took our family picture today...with the timer...and a two year old....and a squirmy seven year old.
It was eventful. Pictures to come. :o)

Heart Thoughts This Morning

2010-11-07T06:55:00.000-08:00

This life therefore is not righteousness but growth in righteousness;

not health but healing;

not being but becoming;

not rest but exercise.

We are not yet what we shall be, but we are growing toward it.

The process is not finished, but it is going on.

This is not the end, but it is the road.

All does not yet gleam in glory, but all is being purified.

Martin Luther

Gleaned here

Negotiable Convictions

2010-11-05T14:49:00.002-07:00

Judgement has been on my mind lately.

Partly, because I have been the recipient of it and the dispenser of it in my heart.

Matthew 7

What I am struggling with is this slight, sly and non-threatening thing called legalism. It creeps it's way in ever so easily. It is the enemy of liberty and steals the joy from each story that God is writing in each life. When we take the liberties we are given as Christians and turn them into law we destroy relationship, which is the vehicle of the gospel. Him glorified is the priority not the method in which he is glorified.

There is definite and clear non negotiable truth but why do we take those areas of choice and turn them into do's and don'ts.

Why do we size up other peoples lives based on our own opinions and convictions (negotiable convictions)?

Why do we act as if God can only be at work when it looks like (fill in the blank)?

In my experience, I have found that those who have suffered much judge little and offer much grace. I know that what I have faced in my own life has made me far less critical of others. We have no idea the work that God is doing in a life or family that looks entirely different then our own.

Is there someone you know who needs grace today? Someone you may differ with in method but not principle. God is glorified when we prefer others over ourselves and our negotiable convictions.

Completely Done

2010-10-31T15:41:00.000-07:00

We sang this song at church today. So encouraging to my soul.
What He does is complete!

What reason have I to doubt

Why would I dwell in fear
When all I have known is grace
My future in Christ is clear

My sins have been paid in full
There’s no condemnation here
I live in the good of this
My Father has brought me near
I’m leaving my fears behind me now

Chorus
The old is gone, the new has come
What You complete is completely done
We’re heirs with Christ, the victory won
What You complete is completely done

I don’t know what lies ahead
What if I fail again
You are my confidence
You’ll keep me to the end
I’m leaving my fears behind me now

© 2009 Sovereign Grace Worship (ASCAP)

Listen here

The Soul Not The Sore

2010-10-25T14:23:00.000-07:00

I came across the below quote in my reading today. I have read it in the past and I will say it is one of THE most important bits of truth I have begun to apply when caring for hurting, grieving and discouraged people. We are sinners and we all go there at one time or another. We can be far to quick to speak and correct when we need to discern and listen. I know I have been guilty of this myself.

Knowing what is wind is a gift. I am so thankful for those in my life who have let the wind blow in my life knowing it was my sore and not my soul. You know someone really knows you when they can tell the difference. Thanks for taking the time to read this, you won't be sorry you did.

Job 6:26

Do you think that you can reprove words, when the speech of a despairing man is wind?

In grief and pain and despair people often say things they otherwise would not say. They paint reality with darker strokes than they will paint it tomorrow when the sun comes up. They sing in minor keys and talk as though that is the only music. They see clouds only and speak as if there were no sky.

They say, “Where is God?” Or: “There is no use to go on.” Or: “Nothing makes any sense.” Or: There’s no hope for me.” Or: “If God were good this couldn’t have happened.”

What shall we do with these words?

Job says that we do not need to reprove them. These words are wind, or literally “for the wind.” They will be quickly blown away. There will come a turn in circumstances and the despairing person will waken from the dark night and regret hasty words.

Therefore, the point is, let us not spend our time and energy reproving such words. They will be blown away of themselves on the wind. One need not clip the leaves in autumn. It is a wasted effort. They will soon blow off of themselves.

O how quickly we are given to defending God, or sometimes the truth, from words that are only for the wind. If we had discernment we could tell the difference between the words with roots and the words blowing in the wind.

There are words with roots in deep error and deep evil. But not all grey words get their color from a black heart. Some are colored mainly by the pain, the despair. What you hear is not the deepest thing within. There is something real within where they come from. But it is temporary—like a passing infection—real, painful, but not the true person.

Let us learn to discern whether the words spoken against us or against God or against the truth are merely for the wind—spoken not from the soul, but from the sore. If they are for the wind, let us wait in silence and not reprove. Restoring the soul not reproving the sore is the aim of our love.

Learning to listen to the soul,

Pastor John

Danger Zone

2010-10-21T14:25:00.000-07:00

I discovered this (Thanks Em).

Free shipping....oh boy, this could be dangerous.

Good thing there is a budget...or is there?

Have a good weekend.
I am away this weekend...see ya next week.

Staying In Today

2010-10-20T08:56:00.000-07:00

I read this article this morning and wanted to pass it on.

Definitely having some long days around here and found this to be very encouraging.

He provides all that is needed for life and godliness.

Just today, Sandi.

She learned to stick with the biblical principle of not worrying about tomorrow since today has enough trouble of its own. "The pressure of the future and the things that have to be done in two hours or by the end of the week is almost too much with someone like Lacey in your house," Peggy says. Therefore, she trained herself to isolate the hour she was in, the hour when she was holding her daughter or taking her for a walk. She learned to ask herself, "Is there anything so bad in that hour that you can't deal with it?" She discovered there never was. "The more and more you stay in the day, the more and more you realize God works it all out anyway, and you get better at staying in the day.

Compassion Sponsorship

2010-10-19T08:23:00.001-07:00

If you ever wonder if sponsoring a Compassion child makes an impact watch the video in this post.

The rejoicing and gratefulness brought me to tears...... all provided for with what we spend at Starbucks in a few weeks time.

And not to mention the letters and relationship that comes with it.

What a blessing!

What a privilege!

Being Stirred

2010-10-16T09:00:00.000-07:00

God has been working on my heart in SO many ways. A crash course in actually living grace instead of simply reading and talking about it has started me on a journey. It is a road that is unfamiliar to me yet one that was planted long ago as a child longing to adopt from Africa. I am excited and terrified all at the same time. I don't like the unknown...left to myself I like to control my world. Fortunately, I am not left to myself. God has a plan and a story he is weaving...the BIG story and my little story. It all works together for my good and His glory.

I REALLY want to live the gospel. Not just learn about it, talk about it, listen to it and then discuss it. I want more! I don't want to just know how it applies to me.....how does it make a difference in the world, in other peoples lives. Don't get me wrong....we need to learn and understand truth and apply it to ourselves before we can effect others but how long do we take to do that? When do we take what we know, what we have been so generously given and give it away...possibly at great cost to ourselves?

Now, before you think I am on some high horse, think again. I am terrified. I have a few ideas of what God may be asking me/us to do but not totally yet. I am tired of living for myself. This life has been bought with a price. I want to live by pouring that grace received out for Him, not so I can be comfortable, successful, well taught and happy. There is SO much more.

Some reading that has effected me lately...

Coming Home
A Song Almost Heard
When Your Dying to Live Radical

The Rest of Our year

2010-10-14T18:18:00.002-07:00

So enjoying the fall weather that (finally) has arrived. We walked to the library today in drizzle. I love a brisk walk in crisp cool air. This week is our break week. One of the best things I have come to do in my home educating year is taking every 7th or 8th week off. We still continued on with our geography studies and What In the World but dropped everything else. We played scrabble, speed, read more together, did a few organization projects and like today walked to the library at our leisure. I have come to understand the breaks are more for me then the kids even though they enjoy them too. I have to break up the constant routine and have a spontaneous week once in while. It helps me stay the course the other 6 weeks or so. I am finding that the break in routine isn't best for all of us :o). But am trying to find ways to make it work for all of us. I have continued doing basic math and language with Ike as it helps make the transition back to full work load easier. We will return full force until our Christmas break in December.

It has been more intense then normal due to starting a therapy program for Isaac. The process itself has been a learning curve, one that has been very time consuming. It is likened to running a small business. There is interviewing and hiring (and firing if need be) people. There is budgeting, paperwork, scheduling and paying people and it is all on top of daily homeschooling and everyday life. This is definitely not my comfort zone but I couldn't be more grateful for the funding we receive which translates into help for my boy. We truly are thankful to have the means to give him what he needs. I am also grateful for the people God has provided to work with my son. I feel His care in this big time! The program hasn't officially started yet. We are still in the development and training stage. Hopefully we will be in full motion by mid November. I can't help thinking what life will look like this time next year after a full year of help.

I wanted to finish posting our curriculum for this year. Above are the resources we are using for geography and socials. I am so enjoying Ann's word pictures, analogies and weaving of scripture into every fascinating part of God's creation as we learn geography. We are thoroughly enjoying ourselves. What in the World brings current events into our home on an age appropriate level while teaching great thinking skills. I have chosen not to do world history this year. We finished the four year cycle last year and I wanted a break before starting over with the ancients.

On the math front we are using Teaching Textbooks 6 and Life of Fred for Journey. I am using Horizons 1 and Singapore 1 for Isaac. Both of these tend to be on the advanced side, so though he is grade 2 this year I wanted to make sure the foundation was strong. We tried Right Start last year and it bombed for us. It was a good program in so many ways though very teacher intensive. Isaac was distracted and annoyed by all the manipulatives. The games portion is fantastic though.

After we finish with Ann's geography by Christmas break, we then will start Exploring Creation with Human Anatomy and Physiology. We have purchased the journal that goes with it and are looking forward to do this starting in January.

We are also learning French this year. We are having fun with this little story based phonics program.

I think that sums up our learning resources this year. Whew...been wanting to finish this for awhile now.

Now... on to more weighty thoughts next time.

Equal Gratitude

2010-10-12T23:15:00.000-07:00

Started to read Choosing to See by Mary Beth Chapman this week. This one quote has stuck with me. I can't seem to stop thinking about it and the desire it stirs in my heart.

"Love of God is pure when joy and suffering inspire an equal degree of gratitude"

Simone Weil

Let my gratitude be equal...oh God!

Guess Who is Two?

2010-10-06T23:06:00.001-07:00

October 7th is a blessed day in this house.

We were told we were done having kids.

Wrong!

Miracle baby above.

He brings such joy with....

his smiles

his belly laughs

playing shy and covering his eyes

his dinosaur roars

how he says "woah" when excited

those red blonde curls behind ears

chubby checks that bounce when he runs

jogging everywhere he goes

awesome dance moves and great rhythm

Happy Birthday Eli Boy!

There will be much celebrating in our house today.

I'm Still Here

2010-09-30T14:06:00.000-07:00

So much is going on right now. I hope to post an update soon.

We are in the process of getting Isaac's therapy program up and running, doing school, long hours for my husband, building in our church family, battling a nasty cold and trying to keep the basics around here clean.

I am fighting hard to keep reading aloud to my kids and enjoying those everyday moments. Like when I hear........ "Mom come look!"

I am trying hard to go and live in the land of YES, YES and YES.

That's about all the time of have right now folks.

Time for YES...means less time for this.

Classic Isaac

2010-09-21T15:13:00.006-07:00

A little back story. We have recently moved to using a rectangular mat for discipline and calming Isaac down. He has to stay on the mat for the number of years he is old.

Driving to a friends house for a play date.....

"Mom how long before we get there"

"About 30 minutes buddy"

Insert pause

"Mom"

"Yes bud"

"Thirty minutes is three tens"

"That's right"

Insert pause

"Mom"

"Yeah bud"

"Thirty minutes is three ten minutes"

"Great thinkin' big guy"

Insert pause

"Mom, will you put me on the mat for thirty minutes when I am 30 years old?"

Insert pause

"Mom, why are you laughing so hard?"

"Son, when you are thirty years old you won't still be living with mama"

"Oh, good then I can get my snake!"

If you are interested in more of Isaac's antics go here, here and here.

Things I'm Pondering

2010-09-16T16:15:00.001-07:00

"Real encouragement is more about sightedness than it is about explanation. When I talk about sightedness, I am not talking about physical eyes, but the eyes of the heart. God has given us the capacity to "see" unseen spiritual realities that are as real and vital as any physical thing we can see or touch. Spiritual sightedness is a precious gift and essential life skill. The reason we get overwhelmed and discouraged in relationships (in any situation) is not because we don't understand what is going on. We are discouraged because we don't see Christ."

"Encouragement is not just about making people feel and think better; it's about stimulating spiritual imagination. Encouragement gives struggling people the eye to see an unseen Christ. He is the only reliable hope when the call of relationship has taken me way beyond my own wisdom, strength, and character. As we live with each other in the middle of the already and the not yet, we need more then elevated emotion and accurate understanding. We need eyes to see this one amazing reality: that we are Christ's and he is ours. We need to see that it is spiritually impossible for us to ever be alone. His amazing resources of grace are constantly at our disposal."

Relationships A Mess Worth Making
Tim Lane and Paul Tripp

His First Encounter.....

2010-09-14T23:03:00.000-07:00

With markers!

He appropriately got his first set of Pip-squeaks to start off the learning year.

(Hes, the high chair is back to it's original shine...gotta love washable)

Language Arts 2010-11

2010-09-12T21:58:00.004-07:00

I have always combined Charlotte Mason (CM) and Classical together. It has always been a good fit for us. Last year we drifted from that due to life being crazy and I am so looking forward to getting back on track.

For reading, I have used Ruth Beechick's 3R's. Introducing sounds from the beginning while reading and slowly putting two sounds together etc. Journey did so well. We used copy work and dictation. I never used a "curriculum" with her for language except Explode the Code. We used First Language Lessons as a gentle intro to grammar. She did not do her first year of formal grammar till last year where we used R&S grade 4 grammar. This year (grade 5) is our first year to do any formal writing. Up till now it has been read, read and more reading. We are using Writing tales 2. I love how it takes a fairy tale and teaches the grammar and structure of writing and in the end she will rewrite it in her own words. We are really enjoying ourselves so far.

I love the gentle approach of CM and teaching reading from living books but I quickly discovered that a linear concrete thinker like my son Isaac needed more structure. There truly is no one way to teach every child. There are principles to create the framework but each one is so different. We tried SO many different things....Ruth Beechick, Living Books, Phonics Pathways, Explode the Code and others. What finally worked for us has been All About Spelling (AAS) and these readers by Nora Gaydos. I do know he was picking up things as we used each of those different resources but AAS just clicked for him. He can move when he does it, there are individual tiles and cards to show we are moving onto to the next thing. This boy who was struggling to read can now tell you all the sounds of all the vowels and Y has four sounds alone for goodness sake. He read four little books yesterday on his own with no prompting or bribes. Confession 101....in order to get him to read I had to give a marshmallow for each sentence. Can ya tell I was desperate. :o). And to add I was fine with him being a later reader but AAS just turned the lights on for him. He even has begun to tolerate copywork and dictation now. Which was a huge no-no before. I still don't understand why they call it a spelling program. I plan to use it with Eli when the time comes, I like it that much!

Isaac also loves the Nora Gaydos readers. They are funny and the graphics are so great. Very boy friendly unlike some young readers. They have incentive stickers which he loves. His goal is to but his name, date and a sticker in every one of those books indicating he has read it.

We are using Handwriting Without Tears for both Journey and Isaac. She is doing cursive and he is doing printing. Once again simple copy work was too overwhelming for him. He needed the little stories and rhymes and creative ways of viewing the letters. Isaac has developed sound effects for many of his letters. It totally helps him remember where to start and what direction to go. Our favorite is stinky "m'. If you have space in the middle of your lowercase "m" then it turns into stinky trash. Nobody likes stinky trash. His "m" don't stink! My other favorite is how lower case K says "hye-yah" like a karate kick. There is never a doubt when he is writing a "k" Great stuff! I never thought I would use curriculum for this but really our true job as mom/teachers is not the method but getting through to our kids and opening the world of learning however that happens.

Isaac has gone back to one page of Explode The Code a day to learn the skill of independent work. And we have slowly started First Language lessons this year too.

One other resource I want to share is called Reading Eggs. It is an online reading program that has worked wonders for Isaac. It is completely independent which is good for him and it just builds little by little with rewards built in. Isaac is very visual and it has been a means to use that gift to our advantage. I was one who said I would never use the computer to teach reading....eating crow here!

We will be reading and reading aloud all year. We are reading The Year of Miss Agnes right now and will move on to this series after that. You can get the first book in the series for free by going to Inheritance Publications and scrolling down the page.

That wraps up LA in our house this year.

Buckets or Fire

2010-09-11T23:35:00.002-07:00

I been trying to create a big post with all the resources we are using this year. It ain't happened!

I have about 15 minutes let's see how far we get.

First I wanted to share the newest home education book I am reading. Real Learning has been on my "to read" list for some time. After reading the first chapter I can see the spark it's going to create. The author is Catholic so there are references to that but it is resource able to be used by all.

A quote I read tonight:

Education is not filling a bucket, but lighting a fire. William Butler Yeats

I can't seem to get away from this. How many times do I simply fill the bucket?

How many times do I check of my list and call that a day of learning?

Systematic is not bad BUT learning comes in SO many different ways. I want to see learning in these moments not just seeing it in the paperwork.

I am on a mission to get some of THAT ground back. Learning through curiosity, exploration, ideas and unscripted moments. Like for example the 20 minute discussion when my daughter took Mr. Virgil M. Hillyer to task over his description of beginning times. There are a few places in A Child's History of the World that are sketchy in my opinion and my daughters. It was so interesting to hear her thoughts on all she's read about evolution and creation. We need to chat more. Given the right setting she has lots to say. There was more value in that conversation then any book report or worksheet.

I had plans to go into a new reading/spelling program we started two weeks ago but my 15 minutes are up.

I type slow or maybe it's that I think slow. :o)

Yes!

2010-09-09T14:36:00.001-07:00

Go here to read the awesome story of how God has placed an abandoned disabled little boy in his forever home. I just started bawling when I read that the judge said...YES!

I can't stop thinking about how this little boy didn't even know he needed rescuing because it's all he has ever known. Rob and Julia relentlessly pursued Aaron with their resources, time and energy in order to love and care for him.

Who has done the same thing for us? When we didn't even know we needed saving HE died for us!

Adoption is an amazing thing!

Thank you for praying.

Little Aaron

2010-09-08T06:28:00.001-07:00

Please read this post and pray with me today for little Aaron and his forever family. The big court date is tomorrow.

Oh Lord, please bring them all home together!

Kicking Off A New Learning Year

2010-09-06T23:35:00.000-07:00

(Just a random cute picture of my baby boy)

Today was the official start to our new 2010-11 learning year. We learn all the time but we are back to more structure. routine and systematic learning. I am excited about this year for many reasons.

The day started off with breakfast out as a family. This is a tradition we have kept since we started homeschooling 5 years ago. Even in the very lean years I started saving up well in advance. The kids look forward to this tradition every year.

After breakfast we head home for our treasure hunt. I wrap all their new school supplies and hide them around the house. I am waiting for my now 10 year old to think this is to "kiddy" but she still loves it. We then organize our notebook and decorate with stickers etc.

Each year I include a new book for each child. This year I gave Journey PollyAnna and PollyAnna Grows Up by Eleanor Porter. I gave Eli a Virginia Lee Burton's Mike Mulligan and More. Isaac was given Make Way For McCloskey. I love his stories, the drawings and just the warmth in his writing. You know it is a good book when you love to read it, look at it and simply just have it in your lap :o) We spent a good part of our morning reading together.

We did a math lesson. Spent time drawing while reading A Child's History of the World aloud. Then went to Google Earth to locate some of the places we read about. I cannot recommend Google Earth enough.

It was a good day.

So Tinny, So Impotent

2010-08-28T14:30:00.005-07:00

This past year was the worst home school year I have ever had. I came very close to putting my kids in school. There were days when I thought there was no way I could do this anymore. I had grown used to moving, financial strain, job changes and losses. It wasn't easy but the one thing I found such joy in was home educating my kids. I lost that over the last year or so.

My oldest was a dream child to teach. She read just before she was five. Loved stories, reading and even writing. She was eager, diligent and happy to do whatever she was given. Having a child like her first can really mess with your head. I thought it was something I had done. I felt pretty good about my home educating abilities and my parenting. Though I was diligent and committed myself...much of her "success" was about who God made her to be and very little about the curriculum or the teacher.

Enter child number two to home educate with out of control behaviors and severe learning struggles, a newborn baby, job loss, postpartum depression and well......do I need say more. The descent started two years ago and reached a head about six months ago right in the middle of another move. I found myself craving space more then people. I wanted my kids to go away and leave me alone. I felt at the end of myself in a way that I never have in my life.

I couldn't make my son learn..heck I couldn't get him to behave or even get dressed without a major melt down. Then I had a little baby crying and needing me and a very diligent big girl who was falling between the cracks as her school load became more demanding. She started to struggle and I didn't even know it because I was over in the corner with two crying boys. As a mother, the things you expect of yourself without flaw is being able to help and love your own child. When you aren't able to do that something sorta dies on the inside. I felt like such a home school mom failure. I knew sending my son to public school wasn't best for him or our family. I wasn't interested in best anymore but just easiest. It would be easier to let someone else deal with his struggles.

On top of all this it was obvious to most people he wasn't typical but yet there was no clear reason he wasn't. Lack of discipline? Bad character? Mean spirited? Brat? It is an interesting tendency of human nature to take what is different and find some normal category to rationalize it. I did that for a long time. We don't like different so we find a box to put it in that makes us more comfortable. We find a place to put fault in order to help it make sense. I placed most fault on myself and honestly, the stares and comments of other people did too.

Not home educating my children wouldn't change what I was facing but getting the right help would. It took me a long time to ask for help. I used to be so anti-label. I thought it put a child in a box that he would forever be confined too. It would somehow limit his options and opportunities. I have found just the opposite. Knowing what I am facing everyday actually empowers me to help him. The more I understood why, the better I got at responding in the way he needed me too. For one, we stopped any form of physical discipline. And honestly, in my circles I feared more judgement about that then almost anything else. It is easy to think that if you don't apply the rod it can't be biblical discipline. I do not believe physical discipline is wrong or unbiblical but not every child will fit the formula. Training a child in the way he should go is about getting their heart, to lead them to the savior and not about making sure they don't misbehave or "get it right" . Getting to the heart of one child may look different then with another. When we stopped we saw amazing results. I believe this is true due to his strong sensory processing issues and his mind blindness. How do you tell a boy who just lashed out in a meltdown that he is in sin when he responded to a physical fight response from sensory overload? I could touch him on the head and he would yell as if I had hit him. He could bump into me running down the hall and get mad because I pushed him? I am sure it is very hard to understand until it is your child and you live with it everyday.

I remember feeling so helpless to help him. And feeling help-less in regards to one of my children I think is the hardest thing I have faced. I recall having the same feeling when my son Jonah died in my arms. I was his mother and there was nothing I could do to save him. I was supposed to care, nurture and protect him and all I could do is hold him while he flew away home. I felt over the last year or so that I couldn't save my son Isaac either and he was running around under foot every single day. It was almost more painful to have him there everyday and have no clue how to meet his needs.

I find it easier to write about now because we are on the road to help. I have learned SO much about why he struggles with many of the things he does. Some of it still makes no sense at times but you know what.....my being helpless and so weak has made me so much more grace filled toward him. I had to cling to God (which really means he held me close to himself) like never before. I was done and so unable to perform or maintain anything but the raw basics if life and that poorly. Being in that place caused me to become more comfortable with my weakness, my sons weakness and the amazing strength that God has to work in us when we are in that place.

I am actually beginning to like being weak sometimes. Still an uphill battle but God in His wisdom used the weak in the world to shame the strong (1Cor. 1:27).

And just so you know.... I am very much looking forward to learning at home again this year. Partly, because I have finally found somethings that work, we are having outside help and my boy is doing much better on many levels. Though I know in many ways the battle has just begun..... knowing is empowering. Not only understanding my son better but having hard evidence that once again God was faithful and so he will be again.

25 Human wisdom is so tinny, so impotent, next to the seeming absurdity of God. Human strength can't begin to compete with God's "weakness." 26 Take a good look, friends, at who you were when you got called into this life. I don't see many of "the brightest and the best" among you, not many influential, not many from high-society families. 27 Isn't it obvious that God deliberately chose men and women that the culture overlooks and exploits and abuses, 28 chose these "nobodies" to expose the hollow pretensions of the "somebodies"? 29 That makes it quite clear that none of you can get by with blowing your own horn before God. 30 Everything that we have - right thinking and right living, a clean slate and a fresh start - comes from God by way of Jesus Christ. 31 That's why we have the saying, "If you're going to blow a horn, blow a trumpet for God."

1Corinthians 1:25-31 (Message)

Will You Please Pray With Me?

2010-08-26T07:05:00.002-07:00

I am sure you have noticed the side bar on the right with a very cute little boy smiling. That is Aaron, a little boy waiting for his forever family in Eastern Europe. They (Rob and Julia) are there right now bringing Aaron home. They have run into many obstacles, one major one being little favor with a local judge deciding over their adoption.

They have just been told they have to wait 2 more weeks with no guarantees. They have already had to leave Aaron behind once and that was hard on him and them.

Please pray for them. For favor with the judge. For little Aaron to bond easily and quickly again. For Julia's mama heart (Rob too) to be at peace as they literally have no control over how this goes.

God is good and faithful. Join me in approaching the throne of grace for this little boy and his forever family.

Follow their blog here for updates.

This family are relatives of very dear family friends. God has used their story to stir my heart so deeply for orphans. Not sure what that means for us but God does. My sweet friend Stacy also has adopted and following her story a while back really started my heart down this road of considering adoption.

Ummm......

2010-08-21T23:14:00.001-07:00

What-cha got up your sleeve little man?

Change is Coming

2010-08-19T13:37:00.011-07:00

We are back from our road trip and gearing up for September when the rhythm and routine of fall comes. The days become more structured and less leisurely. I have to adjust to the pressure of the structure gradually. It is one reason I ease into fall by adding things little by little. The kids have soccer camp next week and then we are into our routine a bit at a time. We are already working back into the habit of chores daily and learning new responsibilities.

In the re-thinking of my blog I have cleaned out my google reader. I have grown tired of agenda blogging as I call it and have narrowed my reading. I am sticking with Mommy blogs, Homeschooling, Autism and IRL friends. I was finding myself getting sucked into others peoples agendas and opinions on issues that really are not central. Not that I didn't agree with their opinion it just isn't how I need to spend my time. I am not interested in rants and platforms but just women who love Jesus and each other. There is an amazing community of women who are living a simple authentic life with all it's mess and scratching it out in cyber space. I find great encouragement there....listening to their stories. I am searching for quiet rest in a simple life online and off.

So as we settle into our new season I am drawing some hard fast boundaries with this here computer. I find I have to do this every so often or I get sucked in much like I do if I watch TV. I recently cut out an article in our local paper entitled "Will those 'glowing rectangles' make us stupid? I've hung it near my desk as a reminder to make sure I have more face time with my people then I do my screen. To live a simple life requires me to steer clear of glowing screens too much. It will be interesting to see what writing looks like this fall.

There are many changes coming. Grade 5 is a bit more intense this year adding a foreign language. Isaac will have therapy 4x a week for 2 hours a day, as well as, working through grade 2 and I have a very cute toddler who will need speech therapy. This deoan't even include simple hang time with the kids plus everyday life stuff. The trenches feel deep and wide but God's grace is deeper still. One day at a time.

I have been reading at Ann's this week and her post have met me almost everyday this week. Take a stroll over if you haven't already and be encouraged. She speaks of women friends in such a real way. I want to BE that friend and never take for granted those who have made that commitment to me. Her heart on priorities and homeschooling encouraged me and made me return to the roots of why I am home, my kids are home and that daily with grace based effort I will love Him with all my heart.

Every Day

2010-08-18T10:26:00.006-07:00

Your everyday communication influences the shape, quality, and
direction of
your relationships. Every day, your words give your
relationships their tone.
Every day you tell people what you think of them,
what you want from them, and
what you would like to enjoy with them. But you
don't do this in grand moments
of oratory. You do it in quick side comments
in the bedroom, as you ready for
work, or at the curb as you hop into your
car, or in the kitchen as you grab a
sandwich, or over dessert at the local
bistro, or in the family room during a
commercial. Because our talk lives in
the world of the ordinary, it is easy to
forget it`s true significance.It is
easy to forget the impact our words have on
every relationship.
pg. 69-70
Being blessed by reading Relationships A Mess Worth Making by Tim Lane and Paul Tripp.

Away!

2010-08-11T15:59:00.005-07:00

Credit: H.Evans

Off to visit some good friends and go on a road trip.

Can't wait!

My middle man turns 7 at the end of this week.....where has the time gone.

See you when we get back.

Story Tellers

2010-08-06T14:30:00.009-07:00

I have come close to shutting down my blog for many reasons. One being, my writing juices have not been flowing. My mind is ever at work but the drive and discipline to commit them to words has fallen very short. In fact, there is not a time I am not thinking...well maybe when I am sleeping. Speaking of sleeping, there has been little of that going on around here lately. Insomnia and I are in a battle of the wills.

Another reason for considering abandoning my post is something akin to why Tonia has left the blog world. She has since taken down her last post which I wish I could share with you. We are now sharing our story in hand written letters which I love!

Do I really have something worth saying? Have I already said it? Am I just contributing to more cyber noise? Yes, I love to write but I can do that in a paper journal, which by the way, I still do almost daily. Why do I put my words here?

I have been praying and asking these questions for weeks.

Then I read this and knew it was God speaking to my heart about these questions. I don't know if she is a Christian but God used her words.

Tell YOUR story.

Please!

You never know who might be listening.

Those words have not left me since I read them. She is speaking of the autism community that I have recently become intimately acquainted with. But more then that, it made me think of God's community the church. It made me think of how God used the greatest story of all to rescue mankind. How Jesus all through out scripture used parables/stories to help us see truth...to relate to godly living. It makes me think of many women I know who have lost babies like I have and have gone on to survive another day, have more babies or not and still love Jesus. We cried together, we prayed together....we listened to each others story. I think of all the adoption stories I have followed that have opened my eyes and changed my heart toward adoption. Or a now dear friend of mine who recently committed herself to the Lord and has come through so much.....she graced my life with her story. I am changed by God's work in her and it now is part of my story. All of these were instruments in the hand of God to build my story.

We are designed for story.

My blog isn't popular or frequently visited. It is not going to impact the thousands or even hundreds but all I am looking for is one. The person who might read my rambles about living with Aspergers, home educating, training little ones, dealing with sin, learning doctrine or whatever I write. We impact each other....we change each others lives with our actions, listening, prayers and words. We share our story and it becomes their story. I have been effected deeply by others words and am so grateful for the writing (and saying) of them.

So I will keep writing and sharing my story here. My words are not profound or greatly important but they are my story.....the story that He is writing for His glory. Our stories are meant to be shared...that exchange.....that sharing of our lives is community, His community built one story and experience at a time. The beauty of it all is He has good stories/plans for each of us every step of the way. Not always easy but always good.

I have created some more strict boundaries about where and what I will be reading on line. More on that next time.

Update of Sorts

2010-08-02T14:29:00.009-07:00

It has been full around here on many fronts.

We received the final written report of Isaac's assessment and have lined up some help. Still processing all this on many levels. Though I know the black and white words on the paper do not define my son....it certainly hit hard what they were saying. It is a faith walk and a huge learning curve this Autism Spectrum.

We had to have the school room carpet replaced. Think..... animals and carpet! We spilled water on the carpet and the prior tenants came back to haunt us in a very stinky way. Fortunately, the owners replaced the carpet fairly quickly. And of coarse, if I was going to move EVERYTHING out of the room then I might as well purge, organize and change the furniture around. My last week has been consumed with this as well as the behaviors that come with all the change and non-routine involved. With a child on the spectrum it is a calculated choice.

Now, my learning room is neat, tidy and ready for September. I've threaten to remove limbs if the kids don't put their stuff away....just kidding but it feels good to have it settled. Not only will we do school there but Isaac's therapy will take place in that room. Many new experiences and struggles will happen this year for all of us. One more part of our story will grow and develop in that space. A good plan full of hope.

Much unknown around the corner tends to tempt me to anxiousness but I have this rest about Isaac and about the help we are getting. Not sure what it will look like but grateful for a system that helps meet our needs. God cares for him and us...therefore I need not worry. There was a time when I thought help would never come.

I have been putting much thought into my on-line life. I started this blog over four years ago without really knowing where it would lead me. But for right now I will leave those thoughts for another day.

Lazy Summer days

2010-07-19T22:16:00.012-07:00

#164- #190

~ Beautiful gardens
~ Design that grabs the eye
~ Hens and Chickens made appealing
~ Color in nature

~ Diversity of flowers
~ Fireworks in plant form
~ Botanical sea urchins

~ Boys and squirrels
~ Peanuts
~ Fascination with all things in motion

~ Family walks

~ Baby runnings (aka chubby waddles)

~ Big girl sprints
~ Middle man leading the way looking for the next nature thrill
~ Mama in the rear taking in all she loves

~ Baby boy

~ Bottles

~ Spaceship slippers in summer

~ Remote control monster trucks
~ How boys pile their favorite things

~ Massive tomatoe plants

~ Sea soil that makes then grow

~ Making my own food from my own sweat

~ Water hoses and little boys

~ Water gun fights

~ Weeding at 7am in PJ's and gum boots

What We've Been Doing

2010-07-11T21:45:00.010-07:00

Though the last few weeks have been intense we have still had lots of fun.

Like building a bow out of only things found naturally in the back yard. Vines and twigs make for good imaginative play around our house. We called her Miss Journey Hood. She has also built several versions of a tee pee from backyard materials and a sheet. Who needs toys!

There are certain members of our family that make on art of being cute..need I say more?

We definitely use goofy as a form of entertainment around here. Laughed so hard at each other. Good medicine.

We have been reading tons since stopping normal school. We are reading Farmer boy right now but recently finished The Sign of The Beaver by E. Speare. Great read aloud! I think this is where all the bows and tee pee building came from. Prior to that we read an abridged version of 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea.

We made our annual strawberry picking trek. Shhh....don't tell anyone but this year we bought freshly picked instead of picking ourselves. Picking strawberries with a toddler just wasn't on my list of fun things this year. Now the freezer is stocked for the rest of the year with 15 lbs of these yummy berries. Next run is for blueberries...I cannot wait! We just used the last bag of last years blueberries a few weeks ago. Nothing like fresh blueberry pie.

Here is our very focused and committed strawberry cutting team. I think they ate more then they cut.

More photos to come.......

A New Chapter In Life

2010-07-09T14:55:00.007-07:00

Hard to believe this is my 460th post since I started blogging.

When I started blogging I had NO idea the many paths that God would have us travel.

The one we are now walking is one I never imagined would be me.

I lived in denial for a long time not wanting it to be me.

Isaac has Aspergers Syndrome, a form of autism.

My first reaction was relief in may ways. I have been living with this for a long time and ever slowly coming to terms with what I knew to be true about my child. Someone acknowledging that felt good.

Yet.....

I am sad.....for him and all the struggles he will face. For how hard it is for him to relate, communicate and navigate life at times. No mother wants to watch their child struggle and fight in daily life.

I know in many ways there are gifts that come with this path.

I am not at the gift part yet.

I am at the...I have no clue God, but grateful that you do...part.

Now, we can move forward. God is good.

Blog Break

2010-06-18T15:43:00.006-07:00

Photo credit H. Evans

Life is intense on many fronts. My husband is working crazy hours. We start Isaac's assessment in a few short days. The yard needs attention as does the house and well.... there are kids around here who need attention too...some more then others.

I have this love hate relationship with google and I just need to shut the research down and live.

So, I am outta here at least till the end of June if not longer. I need to clear my head with fresh air, a good book, coffee with a friend and NOT a computer screen. I need to stop escaping into a virtual world and engage fully with the living one.

Love to all my blogger friends.

See you soon.

To Much Information

2010-06-17T22:52:00.004-07:00

I love having a veracious reader in my house. It is one of my greatest pleasures to see my daughter devour book after book. It does have it's pit falls though. She has been into reading guiness record and science fact books lately.

As we sat at breakfast yesterday morning she asked me...

"Mom did you know that when you flush the toilet the germs can spread up to a 6 feet diameter around the toilet."

I said "ewwwww...really?"

She replied "Just thought you'd want to know. I guess that's why toilets have lids."

Yes, I guess so as I thought about my toothbrush being well within the 6 foot diameter range. Sometimes knowing less is better.

Exercising

2010-06-15T19:13:00.006-07:00

Typing out part 3 of Measure of Success was an exercise of faith. This post was originally written several weeks ago. All of them written in one hour. Just one of those times where clear sight flooded my heart and I wrote. Then, I really embraced what I was writing. I not only believed what I was writing but rejoiced in it.

Today, I find the rejoicing part difficult. I know He is enough, I know that the difficult things I face are really grace in disguise. Mercy that I cannot yet see and means for Him to show himself to me. Yet, that knowing isn't enough sometimes to really hold onto the rejoicing part.

I guess I find the difficultly being my own child SO hard. It's different when it's me. This mama bear in me just wants peace for him. I am not a fear based kind of person for the most part. It hasn't been until I lost our son Jonah and now the struggles with Isaac that I have really struggled with gripping fear. That powerlessness to not be able to save your child. I couldn't make Jonah live and I can't make Isaac neuro typical. HE has a story designed for both my sons and honestly with my limited vision I would have chosen different roads for them both.

But this IS the road we travel, their story and path. It really is wasted energy and effort to worry over what I can't change. Yet, I still catch myself battling for hope.....battling to embrace the gospel which has met my greatest need and that of both my sons. And I know that even then, in my hopelessness He still provides and works for our good. I'm glad that I don't have to get it right to get the best plan for our lives. If that were the criteria we'd be hooped.

We start an official autism assessment for Isaac next week. We have six appointments in about 10 days. Some days I think I know what they will tell me and then others I'm not so sure. Very much appreciate your prayers during this time.

Measure of Success ~ Part 3

2010-06-15T19:00:00.002-07:00

(Read part 1 & part 2)

So bring on the mess
Bring on the failure

The more I see myself for what I am and what I cannot do, the more clear He becomes to me.
The deeper the gospel, the death and resurrection, penetrates my soul and my thoughts the more filters out into my actions.

HE is ALL I need.

HE is ENOUGH for me.

It is His true kindness that I fall short.
True love for my soul the He lets me trip.

Otherwise......
I would not listen
I would not see
I would not know

I would continue on the temporal path pursuing things that die and perish.

See.....it is a true rescue mission.
Rescuing me from myself.

2010-06-07T22:16:00.006-07:00

Not even sure where to begin.

The input from the homeschool convention far exceeded my expectations. One of the main speakers was Carol Brainer. She made me laugh, cry and relax. I needed all three. She just comes from such a real life homeschool perspective. I am still processing all I took in and it can be a slow process with the little time I have on hand most days.

I was also introduced to something called RDI. So much to process here too. It is the first thing I have been exposed to regarding help for Isaac's struggles that sounds somewhat comfortable to me. She gave me great hope that the brain is not set by the time they are 6 years old. I have grown weary of reading and hearing that early intervention is a must. It's not an option for us as he is almost 7 years old.

God met me with much grace this weekend. He prepared things in advance for my good. So thankful for that! So grateful for my DL school principle and teacher that really care about each of my kids.

Journey and her teacher

Journey graduated from Music for Young Children this weekend. Four years of hard work and lots of fun. We are so proud of her!

I hope to share more detail as I have time. Life is full and now that we can get outside I am less interested in my keyboard. I think Spring has finally sprung...our first rain-less day in a long time.

See You Next week

2010-06-02T22:40:00.006-07:00

I am attending our local homeschool conference this weekend, as well as, having family in town. I have drifted in many ways from how we started out on our homeschool path. Somethings were necessary to change and others I simply lost focus. My hope for my next year is to return to some of our original ways of learning. A little less fill in the blank :o)

I recently read this thought provoking post about home education.
Definitely some food for thought there.

To end our upcoming weekend we have Journey's piano recital and MYC graduation.

See you next week.

A little something I have been thinking on lately:

"Regardless of how I may feel, anything that makes me need God is ( ultimately, in the truest sense) a blessing."

Nancy Leigh Demoss