Saturday, April 21, 2012

Remembering Again

I thought I had escaped this year. Those emotions that take you back to the day, the time, the feel and even the smell of that little boy gone. I remember like it happened last week.

I think it is a gift. Other times of the year I forget, I feel distant and disconnected from Jonah after ten years time. Then his birthday rolls around and it comes rushing back, fresh and vivid. I am again surprised by the grief.

Grief, that gift of a strange kind....... the companion that keeps you connected to whom you have lost through the pain of remembering.

I am really feeling the "one mores" right now. Grateful for remembering. Thankful for a God who cares for me where I am and cares for my boy who is right next to Him.

Thursday, April 19, 2012

Happy Birthday Jonah!

Today marks ten years since Jonah was born and then went to be with the Lord. Ten years! Really?
Where has this decade gone? We remember today with much thankfulness. Though we miss him and grief is a visiting companion, I truly am at rest. Though I often wonder about Jonah. Did he have red hair and green eyes like his sister?  I am more often grateful for what his loss has brought about in our lives and how our faith has been made more solid each passing year. Short lives can carry a big legacy. Jonah's absences has brought much goodness into our lives. So we remember his life and death in knowing we will see him again and that he is safe and happy in a place we long to go.

 Every year around April 19th we visit this place. It has special meaning to us as a family. This cliff is where we released Jonah's ashes and said our goodbyes. Visiting there is like visiting him in many ways.

It is a beautiful place!

These flowers have been blooming every year we are there for the past ten years. I love being greeted by them when we go. An old friend waiting to see us.

 A quick snuggle on the bench with my littlest man.

The mountains mixed with the sea is something I will never grow weary of seeing.
 I truly live in one of the most beautiful places in the world.

My peeps doing one of their favorite things, hunting for sea creatures. Flipping rocks, chasing crabs, holding purple starfish and crying out for us to come look at each and every find.

Cousins sitting on Jonah's cliff just girl chatting.

Sunday, April 15, 2012

Living As You Are Called

Sorry for the tease (almost a month ago) about new exciting things and then, nothing. I have taken to being in the moment far better then I ever have before. A big part of accomplishing this has been to be online and in social media less and be "with" whom ever is in front of me. I will admit that I do have this on again, off again relationship with facebook. Sometimes I just want to ditch FB all together. Not because there is anything wrong with it but the temptations it presents me are not in my favor. It becomes a way to feel connected but not be really connected. For those far away it is a gift, those up close.....I am not so sure. I can get wrapped up in spending far to much time taking in snippets of information and not really thinking and processing for myself. Output (writing) helps me think and process.

Before I start sharing all the new changes, some SO good, others hard and sad but for the good, I want to address a few things. The on-line world, as I mentioned above, comes with it's set of advantages and disadvantages. One major disadvantage, especially for women is COMPARISON. That drive to do it better, or more efficient, or more beautiful ........ The tiny glimpse we get in the virtual world of  the real people behind the words and pictures can cause us to think we are NOT ENOUGH. I struggle with blogs that only put forth the pretty. We have to remember that when we only see and hear the "pretty" we aren't getting the whole picture. Now, I am no pessimist. I just know that we are drawn to doing things well and good but due to sin we muddle that up often. God made us in His image and part of that is a hunger for beauty, desire to do well and be the best we can. Yet, I think all to often, we take the standard of "best" from others and what they do. Each of us has a path, a journey, a story that is uniquely our own designed by a perfect craftsman. When we see what we would like our life, our home, our home education, our bodies to look like through a small virtual window we have a very narrow view. There is always more to the story, the picture, the method and the person then what we get in this setting. I have gained much from on line relationships but most of those have had a context outside the face of their blog or facebook.

As I set out to share my story and recent path I want to start from this point of view. The only comparison to be made is against the gospel and His standard which is one of great GRACE and MERCY. The state of our homeschool, our homes and dare I say our bodies, is not the priority. The state of our hearts is the bottom line. The life HE has called YOU to (1 Corinthians 7:17). When we have a right view of our life in Him we often steward our bodies and environment differently. That will look distinct from one person to another, as it should.

So as I walk down this sharing path remember:

Homeschooling is not the gospel
Home Decor is not the gospel
A fit thin body is not the gospel
A perfectly clean house is not the gospel
Simple Natural living is not the gospel
Organic grain free eating is not the gospel
Natural family planning and breastfeeding is not the gospel
Homesteading and growing your own food is not the gospel
Being artistic and creative is not the gospel
Being an avid reader or writer is not the gospel
Being smart and well liked is not the gospel

Each of us may be gifted in one or more of these areas or have great passion for them,. I do on a few counts. So let us use our gifts, talents and passions for His glory and not to measure ourselves against some imaginary standard or one another.

Aren't these things just a reflection of the gospel in our lives when they hold the right place? A means to steward the resources we have been given to further His glory. The key is that they are only a means and not the end (another blog post in itself). We have to be so careful to keep the truth central and not worship the methods and practices that get us there in our daily lives.

We do not dare to classify or compare ourselves with some who commend themselves. When they measure themselves by themselves and compare themselves with themselves, they are not wise.
2 Corinthians 10:12

Saturday, April 14, 2012

Happy 12th!

My girl and one of her best friends.

You are such a blessing to your family and your mama.

Happy Birthday Journey!