There are some things in life that you never really understand. You become more accustom to them. Over time they find their place in the landscape of your life.
Some things are harder then others. Some things just never make sense.
Watching your boy claw, aggress and fight his way out of a foreign social situation the way a cat reacts when thrown into water.....is just a mystery to me. I watched it today in full force, in a way I haven't in a long time. It caught me off guard.
The autistic mind is such a mystery to me.....
What is it like to react to a new face in a familiar setting the same way others react to being chased by an attacker? Or how you or I would panic if we were standing on the edge of a cliff and suddenly our foot slipped?
To hold your little boy kicking, pushing, ramming you to get away.......all from having a new person in his normal routine.
What must that be like for him? Life must feel so unsafe around every corner.
To feel panic, fear and such a flight response that your are willing to fight your own mother. I have no idea what it's like to not understand social settings and new people.
Like when the new girl in Sunday school sat in his seat 3 places from the left in the front row. Getting through that door to class was as if there were some awful, ugly, terrible monster waiting for him on the other side. The panic could be cut with a knife, it was so thick.
As a mother, seeing terror in this way does not shake off easily.
This truly is a mystery to me how his mind takes in and processes his world so different then mine does. How things I take for granted every single day are huge mountains for him to climb.
He is not a mean or bad kid but the outside world would argue that.
They judge the outside where God and a mother judge the heart.
He is my best snuggler, believe it or not :o)