Monday, May 09, 2011

The Fog Has Lifted

The other day I was walking up my street meeting a friend for a walk. We hadn't seen each other in several weeks and were looking forward to catching up. The sun was shining for the first time in a long time. Almost every house had someone in the front yard, like the older gentlemen on the bend of the road, gruffing along unwilling to say hello. The group of men laughing around a wheel barrow trying to solve some dirt and building problem. A little girl with such long dark hair skipping across her yard with a flower in hand, assumed for her mother. The two women chatting it up over the fence as they queried about what the neighbour across the way was doing. Everything was so alive....the trees, flowers, birds and people too. It felt like some kind of awakening! Bare in mind that I live where it rains or is gray from about November till April and this year it is STILL gray in May. So you can see why on a sunny day everyone crawls their way outside no matter what type of animal. :o)

As I walked up my street greeting neighbours it hit me so clearly that I myself was coming out of an awakening of my own. The sun was shining again in my soul and heart. It has been so very quiet around this place lately. Life just had me buried somewhere under all it's many fast moving bends, turns and spills. I have no desire to re-hash all that has gone on in the last several months, it is part and parcel for the path he has chosen for me. Some days are very hard and others easier. I am learning how to find the joy, rest and peace that comes from being closer to Him and not a change in my circumstances.

I have come to so appreciate a very simple, taken for granted, every day life thing......SLEEP. I stopped sleeping well after Eli was born ( 2.5 years ago). When he started sleeping I didn't. I tried some natural things that seemed to help. I struggled with insomnia off and on. It slowly got worse and it crept up on me till I found the end of myself, not able to function well, think straight and clearly (to close friends but not myself) depressed. At the point where I was only getting 2-3 hours a night for several weeks I realized I had to do something. I tried all the natural stuff and it only got worse. I saw my doctor and after some time we figured out what I needed. Anyway, now that I am sleeping soundly every night I see the world so differently.

There are pieces of myself I have had to get reacquainted with because I had lived in a fog so long that I didn't recognize myself. Walking up that hill I felt so awake, refreshed and most of all thought-filled. I hadn't thought and processed clearly in a long time and wasn't even aware of it. I enjoy having my mind back. I missed it :o) In my case my depressed mood was extreme sleep deprivation coupled with some real life challenges.

Not sure where I will go from here. I am finding it hard to get back into writing. It is not for lack of ideas but more from a lack of time. Life takes much time to be lived well. That is my care for and serve my family for His glory. When I have extra time I plan to write here.

(If anyone is interested in how I dealt with my insomnia I am happy to share. Just drop me an email)


Christine said...

Praise God for doctors! I can't wait to get help with headaches sometime soon--after nursing. Love to you! Happy belated Mother's Day!

mary grace said...

Praying peace over you!