Sunday, February 20, 2011

Happy Valentines day...delayed.

February 14th took on new meaning in our world nine years ago.

I can still feel those words...."incompatible with life".

It was my 18 week ultrasound with our son Jonah and we were told he would never live outside of my body. Oh God, so painful - so, so overwhelming. Words are inadequate to express it. The blow of hearing your baby is not going to live is BRUTAL to say the least.


Shortly before Valentines Day, Clarissa a new blog friend said goodbye to her own son. We have so many similarities to our story. Their son Elijah was born February 9th and lived 88 precious minutes.


It is SO unnatural to hold your baby till they die, to watch them take their last breath. It is a mark that cuts deep and never totally heals over. It leaves a scar that you as a mama will take to your own grave.


That same scar is also a living reminder of God's steadfast unwavering love and goodness. Wounding comes, excruciating pain and loss but it comes with desperation that pushes and shoves us toward the God of all comfort and peace.


I went kicking and screaming at first, trying to marry a good God with a dead baby boy. The two seemed like oil and water at the time. Now, I see the trail of comfort, kindness, pursuit, wooing, drawing that He laid out just for me. Through such pain and loss He forged a perfect path to see my desperate need for Him and His compassion, mercy and grace.


He used the death of His son 


AND


The death of my son........ to show himself to me.


Jonah's short life carries with it such a profound legacy to his family. We miss him and look forward to our reunion!


Take a minute and go visit Clarissa and Elijah...a sweet little boy already home..... mama remains and it is hard to stay behind and say goodbye. Let's acknowledge this precious little life and pray for this grieving family.

1 comment:

Christine said...

My heart aches for you. I don't think I've ever read this part of your story. I'm so glad you got to say goodbye, but I know having witnessed his departure from our world probably makes the wound much deeper than a miscarriage or stillbirth. I know at least, that would have cut me deeper and haunted my years more. I will be praying for you and for your friend. Makes for a sad Valentine's Day each year.

Praise God for the testimony of God's grace and provision and plan for you, through it all.