Monday, April 26, 2010

Falling Short

I am (ever slowly) becoming more and more grateful for my failures. My inability to do it on my own. My weakness in "getting it right". This lack, these short falls, point me to a place that I would never go by myself.

Failure is like a mirror. It reflects my great need. It makes me thristy for more then myself.

I am finding a freedom in my letting go....... that I never knew existed.

I am tasting small moments where my worth isn't wrapped up in my performance or what I get accomplished. I am not so easily satisfied with these things anymore.

Being me for His glory is enough.

Not a perfect me but a surrendered, humbled, dependant me. This is the place of rest and peace.
If only my heart would remain there.

So I am grateful for (#112-#119)

~ where I can't

~ where I fall short

~ where I am weak

~ where I stumble

~ HIM who can

~ HE who always comes through

~ HIS strength and promises that are my joy and peace

~ HIS never wavering good plan

holy experience

I know it's Tuesday but such is life right now :o)

Friday, April 23, 2010


It has been busy around here.

The kid kind.

I have so many swirling thoughts that would be great blog posts but am finding myself reading a few more picture books, talking a little longer walk outside, lingering over a few more thoughts with my ten year old and loving it.

Something I have been meditating on lately:

"Gratitude unleashes the freedom to live content in the moment, rather then being anxious about the future or regretting the past."

Ellen Vaughn

In every situation...prayer + thanksgiving = peace

"When prayer teams up with gratitude, when we open our eyes wide enough to see God's mercies even in the midst of pain, and when we exercise faith and give thanks even when we can't see those mercies, He meets us with His indescribable peace. It's a promise."

Nancy Leigh DeMoss

Have a great weekend!

Monday, April 19, 2010

Gift of a Strange Kind

Hard to believe this day has come around again.

Eight whole years have passed since we met and said goodbye to our little man Jonah.

I used to dread this day.

It brought back everything in living color. For the first several years that wasn't a welcome thing. The grief was still day to day and ever present. Now, I welcome the memories. I look forward to walking through that day in detail, looking through the pictures, the memory books, watching the video and walking through our traditions remembering him.

#111 ~ Remembering has become a precious gift.

Intended to write more about our memories but busy making life with my other three kids.
To be contniued......

holy experience

Thursday, April 15, 2010

One Decade

This week my big girl turned ten.

It is hard to believe that this young lady is already a decade old.
At four months she was adorable and fun loving.
Not much has changed.

She is a girl in love with God's creation. Nature and all it's wonders one of her closest friends. This sweet girl loves animals and spends hours reading about them. One of her current projects is making a animal field guide from many different resources. Her first request for her birthday....a trip to the zoo. Another endeavor......learning to draw the things she sees.
She is a creat-er, an observer, a reader, a hug giver and a good friend.

This girl of mine is the best big sister around. So gentle and sweet with her brothers often when they are not so sweet to her. She tells me all the time that she misses Eli`s snuggly stage....those days are long gone. She will often ask to hold him when he has one of his few goat milk bottles. At least then he stays put. This relationship my biggest and littlest have is a special thing indeed.
I love that for her birthday she wanted the whole family to go to the zoo and then hang out at home. She requested her daddy`s present be a day off work so he could come too.
Love this girl more then I can put into words.
So grateful for the gift of her.
I look forward to all God has planned for her and am so thankful I get to be there to be apart of it.

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Sixty Seconds on Tuesday

What have you been up to little boy?

And there's that broom again!

Monday, April 12, 2010

Boys, Brooms and Things That Bloom

106. Quiet thoughts on long walks

107. Hours of exploration
108. New life everywhere

109. Toddler infatuations
Eli has a love affair with the broom. He takes it everywhere he goes.

110. Dirt, trucks and buckets make for hours of fun

holy experience

Tuesday, April 06, 2010

Sixty Seconds on Tuesday

I love to think of nature as an unlimited broadcasting station, through which God speaks to us every hour, if only we will tune in.

~George Washington Craver~

Monday, April 05, 2010

Hard Stuff

This past weekend reminds me of life in death,

darkness that turns to light ,

loss that turns to gain.

I have been lingering lately over the gifts that come from the things I have faced in life. The most rich and blessed parts of my life have been born from the most difficult and painful days along my path.

The death of a much wanted child producing a grasp of God's goodness and sovereignty.

The loss of two more in miscarriage teaching me more of trust.

The struggle with infertility, resulting in a beautiful baby boy I never thought would come.

Presently, the well being of a child who struggles with everyday life in a way that you and I don't. A struggle to process his world and navigate through it. A chore for him and something we take for granted.

This boy has taught me more then I can express about grace. About loving in unloving circumstances and seeing beyond what life should be like, to what it is and the provision God makes in those places. That each day is made up of the little choices we make, not the big expectations we create. Life is lived along side each other one moment at a time. This little man is teaching me to savor these things. To live now and not in tomorrow or the next thing. That faith and hope are our greatest friends in each new day.

I can expend so much energy trying to avoid my difficulty that I miss the blessings right in front of me.

101. The fruit of hard stuff

102. The gift of His son

103. The gift of my son

104. The little smiles and victories in each day

105. The life I have (not the one I wish I had)

holy experience

Sunday, April 04, 2010

Snapshots of Our Life

So serious.

We were actually having tons of fun and they both just went serious on me when I clicked the camera.

So love these boys!