This date is forever seared on my heart and not for the reasons you may think. It still shakes me some 8 years later how innocent that day started, then by days end left us so lost and unable to breath. It really only takes a moment for your life as you know it to be turned upside down.
We had plans that day, I am sure. I just can't remember what they were. Our dear friend Jen stayed with Journey while we very happily trotted off to our ultrasound. I remember sitting in the waiting room with a busting bladder. It's down right painful the amount of water they make you drink. I waltzed into the room and chattered away at the tech. Then she excused herself. Oh well, maybe she needs to go to the bathroom I thought to myself.
She returned with the doctor. I knew then that my life would never be the same. He opened his mouth and I heard very little. The only phrase that stuck in my brain was "incompatible with life". As he continued to talk I heard only murmuring but remember saying over and over to myself....."Is he telling me my baby is going to die?" It's amazing how vivid memory can be when your in pain.
To read the story start here @ The Sovereignty Chronicles. I haven't finished telling the story, I've only made it to chapter three. I haven't finished sewing Jonah's quilt nor making his photo album. I used to think it was because I had so much going on in life, which isn't untrue, it's just not the real reason.
Jonah's life on this earth is finished. It ended not long after it started. He has never played at the beach, tried his first food, giggled his first laugh on this side of heaven. Our earthly relationship is done and oh how I look forward to the heavenly one. I have come to see that my not finishing his story, his quilt or his album is because once I finish....it is over. When you read the last word of his story there will be no more words to add. There will be no more pictures to add once the last one is placed. The quilt will have no baby to cover once it's sewn. Not finishing in some small way keeps him alive.
I do want to finish these things that so connect me to his life and death. I just love having something to do that is about him and that remembers him. I guess I worry that once I finish these things it will be like loosing him all over again. I'm not sure how it will be but will find out one day when I am ready.