I have this insatiable desire to write and analyze. I find writing my prayers more fruitful then speaking them. I find a greater level of clarity and perspective if I can write out my thoughts and feelings however out of balance they may be at the time. It's as if I can see things more clearly after I express them in writing. I just don't necessarily want anyone to read them. I think this is why the almighty delete button was created.
I slightly envy those people who can process everything internally. They can so much more easily hide the struggles, those questioning moments that you wish you could've waited on with out sharing the mess outside. Yet, I also think keeping it inside stops us from building together...from really knowing each others story. Cause let's face it, we're all a mess at times.
And life is story. Each day hopefully we grow. We learn something new, see more of God, learn more of our limitations so we can depend as intended. We fail, we taste victory, joys, sorrows and this makes up this present life. The story He is writing in us. It's a roller coaster for sure. Never knowing what's around the corner only knowing that there is provision.
I find myself in over my head most days. Trying to do more then I feel I can. Doing it with blinders on groping in the dark. There is no instruction manual for life except the Bible. I do wish each life story had an introduction and summary like a novel. You might get a glimpse of the plot, the conflict and maybe even some of the outcome. But real life isn't like that. It greets you each day with the plot unknown. You know you have every thing you need to face what's ahead, He promised that. You know that the outcome is covered by the Once and For All great sacrifice but you don't get a memo on the details.
Today was one of those chapters full of hard stuff. The title might have simply read " Help".
I often wonder if our lives will be recorded in a bound hardcover book in heaven. Like a Library of Life. We will scan the spines and find our names. The names of our children. We will see the whole story in one full volume where as now we only go chapter by chapter.