Sunday, February 28, 2010

Morning Meditation

But we have this treasure in jars of clay,
to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us.
We are afflicted in everyway, but not crushed;
perplexed but but not driven to despair,
persecuted, but not forsaken,
struck down , but not destroyed;
always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that
the life of Jesus may also be manifest in our bodies.
2 Corinthians 4:7-10


My weakness isn't about me and where I fall short.

It's about Him and all His glory.

His surpassing great power is shown through my inability to do it on my own.

I need Him on every level and that is good for me and pleasing to Him.

Why do I fight it so? This stubborn nature of mine, thinking I need to have it together. It is the lie of this age...To do it all, well, and all the time.

Our limits are our friends not the enemy.

They escort us to the One who has no lack.

Friday, February 26, 2010

You Know You Are Settling In



~When you've had your first laundry fight in the living room.


~When you make your first big trip to the library and return with more books then you can comfortably carry.


~When your kids finally know where their underwear and toys need to be put away.


~ When they are told to go to a room in the house and they don't stop and ask, "Where is that room again mom?"


~ Your books are all out for you to see and enjoy.

~ You are cuddling on the couch every afternoon for read aloud time once the baby goes down for his nap.


~ When you still have stacks of boxes staring you down and you just go one with life as you know it :o)
A house is not a home unless it contains food and fire for the mind as well as the body.
Benjamin Franklin

Thursday, February 25, 2010

Couch Time

Just started our new read aloud The Swiss Family Robinson.

Do you know what a firkin is?

I love the language! But if it drives you nuts to have to look a word up every other page...it may not be the book for you.

My kids think the dictionary is cool. They consider it a fun activity to define words...go figure!

Monday, February 22, 2010

Most Precious Gifts




60. Nature's beauty
61. Journey Lillian
62. Issac Aaron
63. Jonah Ethan
64. Elijah John




holy experience

Saturday, February 20, 2010

Assuming

We've been fighting the cold flu now so I've been doing more reading then writing.

We are on the mend and still being stared down by many unpacked boxes.

I read this post by Amy at Raising Arrows. I have been thinking lately myself about how quickly I judge peoples actions. How easy it is to assume things when we are on the outside looking in and how simple it is to clear things up by asking good questions . Care is so connected to asking good questions and having real conversations. It's not about fixing people or their problems ....that's not really our job. Our job is to simply show up with out judgement and point people to Him. We can do that because He showed up for us in a big way! Like Amy says it's easier to stick with assuming instead of asking because you don't have to take any risks.

It is well worth the read....beware you might be convicted. I know I was.

Sunday, February 14, 2010

Valentines Day


This date is forever seared on my heart and not for the reasons you may think. It still shakes me some 8 years later how innocent that day started, then by days end left us so lost and unable to breath. It really only takes a moment for your life as you know it to be turned upside down.

We had plans that day, I am sure. I just can't remember what they were. Our dear friend Jen stayed with Journey while we very happily trotted off to our ultrasound. I remember sitting in the waiting room with a busting bladder. It's down right painful the amount of water they make you drink. I waltzed into the room and chattered away at the tech. Then she excused herself. Oh well, maybe she needs to go to the bathroom I thought to myself.

She returned with the doctor. I knew then that my life would never be the same. He opened his mouth and I heard very little. The only phrase that stuck in my brain was "incompatible with life". As he continued to talk I heard only murmuring but remember saying over and over to myself....."Is he telling me my baby is going to die?" It's amazing how vivid memory can be when your in pain.

To read the story start here @ The Sovereignty Chronicles. I haven't finished telling the story, I've only made it to chapter three. I haven't finished sewing Jonah's quilt nor making his photo album. I used to think it was because I had so much going on in life, which isn't untrue, it's just not the real reason.

Jonah's life on this earth is finished. It ended not long after it started. He has never played at the beach, tried his first food, giggled his first laugh on this side of heaven. Our earthly relationship is done and oh how I look forward to the heavenly one. I have come to see that my not finishing his story, his quilt or his album is because once I finish....it is over. When you read the last word of his story there will be no more words to add. There will be no more pictures to add once the last one is placed. The quilt will have no baby to cover once it's sewn. Not finishing in some small way keeps him alive.

I do want to finish these things that so connect me to his life and death. I just love having something to do that is about him and that remembers him. I guess I worry that once I finish these things it will be like loosing him all over again. I'm not sure how it will be but will find out one day when I am ready.

Friday, February 12, 2010

Library of Life

I have this insatiable desire to write and analyze. I find writing my prayers more fruitful then speaking them. I find a greater level of clarity and perspective if I can write out my thoughts and feelings however out of balance they may be at the time. It's as if I can see things more clearly after I express them in writing. I just don't necessarily want anyone to read them. I think this is why the almighty delete button was created.

I slightly envy those people who can process everything internally. They can so much more easily hide the struggles, those questioning moments that you wish you could've waited on with out sharing the mess outside. Yet, I also think keeping it inside stops us from building together...from really knowing each others story. Cause let's face it, we're all a mess at times.

And life is story. Each day hopefully we grow. We learn something new, see more of God, learn more of our limitations so we can depend as intended. We fail, we taste victory, joys, sorrows and this makes up this present life. The story He is writing in us. It's a roller coaster for sure. Never knowing what's around the corner only knowing that there is provision.

I find myself in over my head most days. Trying to do more then I feel I can. Doing it with blinders on groping in the dark. There is no instruction manual for life except the Bible. I do wish each life story had an introduction and summary like a novel. You might get a glimpse of the plot, the conflict and maybe even some of the outcome. But real life isn't like that. It greets you each day with the plot unknown. You know you have every thing you need to face what's ahead, He promised that. You know that the outcome is covered by the Once and For All great sacrifice but you don't get a memo on the details.

Today was one of those chapters full of hard stuff. The title might have simply read " Help".

I often wonder if our lives will be recorded in a bound hardcover book in heaven. Like a Library of Life. We will scan the spines and find our names. The names of our children. We will see the whole story in one full volume where as now we only go chapter by chapter.

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Blog Balance

I came across a new blog Heart Pondering thorough Mama Mondays. The first post I read was Blogging on Blogging. I enjoyed the balance and simplicity of how she holds herself accountable in her on line life. I have a few similar boundaries and loved that she is someone who doesn't follow blogs that post daily. I find that a bit too much as well.

Anyway, enjoy the read. It is well worth it.

Monday, February 08, 2010

Is it 2010 already?

It has been a bit of a blur around here. I think I am finally back on my feet. The stomach flu left for good last Wednesday. The only word to describe how it ripped through our family is...NASTY. Isaac is now battling a coughy runny nose but that's a walk in the park. I'm still unpacking but mostly in the non essential areas. The learning room is up and running minus a few boxes of reading books. Feels good!

I feel as if my New Year is finally starting. Little time to reflect over the last six weeks has proven hard. I relish quiet time to ponder and be left with my thoughts. I look forward to returning to this on a regular basis as I know it helps my perspective in the day to day.

I have in snippets thought about this year..2010. In many places I have read people have "a word" for this year. Though not intentionally, I have been feeling that there is a word for me this year:

RELATIONSHIPS

I want to grow on many levels in this area...within my own family, my church family and my community. I am one who is pretty content to be by myself. To the point that I see my oldest child desiring to be alone a little too much. She is inclined that way but also observes and hears my enjoyment of it. Though I believe it is how I recharge my batteries, I can also become quite selfish with it. This last year has been especially bad with the many struggles I have faced with my middle child. It was just easier to stay at home which fed that tendency.

I am not exactly sure what this will mean for us/me. One area I am working on changing is the time we spend in our community, which is at this point very little. Our church is in the process of doing more in mercy ministries so there will be opportunities provided. I also plan to have more people in my home on a regular basis. I so desire my children to look outward. Serving others is an influenced and learned choice. Left to ourselves we serve ourselves.

It is a fine balance between "needing" space and wanting it. Our culture influences us to take what we need, be good to ourselves, and convinces us we deserve a break. I do believe that each person is built differently and has different needs. I know for me there are many times when my choices are based solely on selfish desires and not a need. And the difficult part is I see the fruit of it in my own children. It's not what I want to teach them is the priority. I want Christ's example of laying His life down to be the main thing.

So this year is the year of re-evaluating my RELATING to God, my husband, my kids, my church, friends and community. Should be an interesting ride.


PS. Sorry, still no pictures. Haven't resolved the camera issue.