Monday, January 11, 2010

Heavy Heart (1,000 Gifts)

I sit here in dim light drinking my lemon honey water in my big black Starbucks mug. There is much on my mind, my heart is heavy. The last few days my thoughts have centered on several of my friends and the difficult things they face.

My friend I asked prayer for who is facing cancer , a mom to three small boys. I was chatting with her on Sunday morning. She was sharing about God's goodness to her in how the cancer was found and the care she was receiving. I felt like I was standing on holy ground as she spoke of God's goodness in the midst of what she is facing.

My dear friend has MS and is having a particularly bad few weeks. I watch her suffer and can do nothing but pray and be a friend. I am so effected as she glorifies and honors God in her pain, sleeplessness and lack of mobility.

My own niece who has Cerebral Palsy who also has been in and out of hospital in the last few months fighting at times for her life. She was a normal healthy baby until moments before birth, half her blood volume returned to her mom's body depriving her brain of oxygen. She is 8 years old and has suffered much.

I think of my own son and though less painful still struggles I wish he didn't face.

Every thing in me wants to scream "NOT FAIR" . Which I know isn't the right response but one I do battle with. I trust God's sovereignty but don't always understand it.

I get angry at sin and all it carries with it. How it mars and messes up life. How it creates such suffering in this life. I want my friends and family to be free from all this.

In the same breathe I long, ache and yearn for the New Heaven and Earth.....where there will be no cancer, no MS, no brain damage or sensory struggles. These bodies of ours will work as they were perfectly designed to do. I really can't imagine in it's fullness, what that will be like. I do know that when I get there I look forward to seeing a little boy so missed from this earth.

As I head off to bed, heavy at heart I will speak of His gifts:

51. His sovereign plan even when we don't understand.

52. His goodness and faithfulness in that plan.

53. That sin and the enemy are totally defeated at the cross.

54. The glory He receives as my friends suffer and yet call Him good.

55. The benefit I gain from knowing and loving these people.

56. The hope of heaven ~ glorified bodies one day free of pain and sorrow.

57. For the gift of friendship ~ true comfort with another human being.

58. The laughs that come through tears.

59. The peace that provides all assurance and passes all understanding.

holy experience


Leslie said...

I couldn't agree more.

Stacy said...

Ugh. (Yes. SO much heaviness and hurt...) But good job, reflecting on His gifts.

I purpose to end each of my journal entries with a list of praises: just commanding my heart to be thankful, no matter what. It's been SO helpful.

Mary said...

Sharing a heavy heart also, and thanking you for refocusing my thoughts to the Saviour.