Tuesday, March 24, 2009

The Quiet

The house is quiet. My husband is in bed. He wakes for work at 4:40 in the morning. I make a cup of decaf and sit. I might hear a car go by or the neighbour's dog bark but overall, it's peaceful and quiet. It seems so strange that these same quiet walls that surround me now, bounced my son Isaac's very loud voice around all day. They absorbed the songs my daughter pounded out on the piano, they caught the laughing, bickering, the babies coos and cries. My life is so full of noise, life, need, teaching and training.....constant motion.

I go upstairs to feed my little man. He snuggles in half asleep. His wispy blond hair so fine and thin. His little leg turning like a crank as he nurses. It is still so quiet. I stare at this little guy in awe. He is such a gift and a treasure. I relish these quiet moments with him. No other things to be doing while he eats. No stories to be read, no conversations about insects or dinosaurs. There are no questions to be pondered or ideas to toss around. It's just us and the quiet night.

I put him back in his bed, tuck him in and he crams his blankie in his face. A favorite thing for him, one his mom has finally relaxed about. He starts making his little sleep noise and drifts back off. As I look at this little boy I am so aware of his dependence on me. His very life comes from my body. He was knit together in my womb by God's hand. The blood in his veins came from my blood. His ability to grow and thrive comes from my breast. What an amazing relationship and bond. Yet, as I watch this little person sleep in the night I am brought back to my own dependence. The life I have is due to someone else's blood and sacrifice. My growth and daily existence is completely reliant on that of another.

I feel compelled to go sneak in and watch my older children sleep. I know you do that too. They are so quiet, peaceful and beautiful. As I see their chest rise and fall with each breath, I am so reminded of grace. Our very life is dependant upon Him.....unmerited favor.

As I crawl under my duvet next to my kind, hard working husband I am at peace. Not because I was the best mother or wife today, or because my kids are well behaved. This peace isn't based on anything but the fact that I have been saved from my sin, my greatest need has been met and I am blessed by the gift of these three children, as well as, the three that have gone before me. I deserve nothing and look what I have!

The quiet draws me to Him.


Stacy said...

What a beautiful post, Sandi.
I love it that you get to love on your little guy. And that God loves on us! :)

Anonymous said...

How peaceful, I love how you can express yourself so well with words my friend. Love you, I read your blog everyday! mama lee

Marian said...

What wonderful words dear sister! Unmerited favor...such good news! I love the line, "I deserve nothing and look what I have!" Amazing how our good Father lavishes us with good gifts from His hand!

Mr. M said...

Wow! Mrs. M. I didn't know that you were so into sneaking around at night and watching us all sleep ;)

Thanks so much again for all your hard work! Thank you for loving God so much. I am drawn to God more by you and your words.
You do a pretty good job of rounding off my rough edges and sharpening my dull spots.

I love you Mrs. M

Mr. M

Trinity Mommy said...

What a beautiful post! I love to sneak in and watch my little ones sleep also.. it truly puts things into perspective and reminds me of how blessed I really am! Thank you for sharing this and the precious picture :)

Tami said...

Thanks for stopping by my blog. I wanted to let you know that the directions for the sheep cake is at familyfun.com it is listed with the birthday cake ideas. There were some other cute ones too so you might change your mind after you look at them

Melanie said...

I love this post!