Wow...this week flew by. We started back to school full steam this week. It is the first time since Eli was born last October. It has gone well but once again I find myself wanting to accomplish more. If I do all the school we would love to do then my house is a mess. If I have a clean house we do less school and I spent less time with my kids. If we eat really well, have all home cooked unprocessed food then the laundry piles up and we skip the reading aloud for the day. I think being a homeschooling mom is the most challenging job around. Between personnel issues and administrative demands it takes the cake! People who say we aren't using our minds staying at home with our kids must have never actually stayed home and educated their children. I use my brain, my body...actually it demands every part of me everyday.
In light of the demands it is easy to understand the temptation to discouragement. I can so quickly fall into the pit of overwhelmed chaos. I start rehearsing in my mind ALL the things I need to do...... and how there is no time to do them..... and how I will never get it done by myself. Not to mention serving others and the church, exercise or bargain shopping. You know what I am talking about don't you?
At this moment I have a choice. I can choose His truth, that he is the only true perfection ( so I don't have to be) or I can continue to be superwomen and loose my peace and relationships. I confess I too often make the wrong one.
This week at my homeschool group (which I love and is a ministry of my church) we listened to a message by Debra Bell on Discouragement. If you remember I went to a Homeschool Conference last April where she was speaking. This is actually a message I heard back in April but months later was much needed again.
It was so encouraging (opposite of discouragement) to hear that I will fall short and there will always be more to do then I have time for but that He is at work and ordering our days according to the big picture. This is not a license to be lazy by any means, actually it makes me more focused and determined. Not focused for my sake of accomplishment but for HIS sake.....to glorify Him and to find that joy He so clearly desires for me in the everyday. I am slowly and painfully learning that the joy doesn't come from the accomplishment but from the way I have honored and obeyed Him along the way. There will ALWAYS be more laundry, things to learn, food to prepare, stuff to reorganize but honoring Him must take precedence. One day my children will be gone. I want their memory to be about the joy, fun and God honoring that went on and not a clean tidy house. The only thing I carry with me is my relationship with God and other people....my family. This helps me walk past the three baskets of laundry that have sat in the hall for two days now. It helps me when I am feeding my kids boxed Mac and Cheese. It helps me relax and finish reading to my kids instead of getting up and vacuuming the dust bunnies I see across the room. I will get to those dreaded dust bunnies but not at the expense of my peace in God and the care of my children.
It's funny I used to plan everything. I found that I would plan beyond my ability which only caused me to sin when I didn't meet my own expectations. I am finding that if I plan the priorities and the rest will get done when it gets done. I have found to my amazement that I actually tend to get more done this way. I am more able and apt to trust God when I haven't constructed my version of how it should go. I am not discouraging planning at all but for this mama, much of the planning is about control and not trust.
Does any one else struggle with these same issues? How have you seen this change as you have grown in the Lord?