I came across these posts by Molly Piper about helping those who are grieving. She lost her daughter last fall at birth and shares practical things that ware helpful. I remember having very similar struggles when our son died almost six years ago.
It is especially true when she talks about months after things happen, it is still so fresh and real. When people look fine on the outside at church or events doesn't mean all is well.
Anyway, I think the posts are well worth the read in order to care for those around us who have suffered such a loss.