Tuesday, February 12, 2008

The Bulge

Let's just suppose you were sitting on your living room couch snuggling with your kids. It was a peaceful relaxing moment. You happen to look up and see this huge bulge in your ceiling. Imagine with me, a generous eight foot diameter swell over your head. I can only assume at this point you would say to your husband "Honey does this look normal to you?"
Your husband would reply "No, dear I don't think so."

Then of coarse your hubby, as all men would, proceeds to push in the bulge. It would move and concern you more. You would probably with a steady pace find your phone and call your landlord. They would, like any good landlord should, come right over. He too, as a man, would have to push on the bulge. Only this time if you'll imagine with me.....his hand going through the plaster on the ceiling. Now you would have a bulging hole

You would go off to bed being told a contracter would be called in the morning...still quite uneasy about this eight foot bulging hole in your ceiling. You would probably put a bucket under the hole just in case but wouldn't think to move any stuff out of the room. Why would you need to do that?

Saturday morning comes, sleeping a bit late (because you couldn't get to sleep last night) your greeted by your new friend in the ceiling. You give in to the overwhelming demand for homemade pancakes. You happily make them for your family,watch them devour them thankfully, all the while peering over your hot cup of coffee staring down the bulge. Your husband decides to call Dan the drywall man, (names are real to show our gratitude) who happens to be seconds away from our house. You would scurry into your room to change and when you returned Dan the drywall man is standing in your living room. It might feel akin to a Star Trek moment....."Beam me up Scotty". "Did he vapourize" you would think. Not realizing at the moment how crucial his timing would turn out to be.

Then Dan would touch the ceiling as every other man in this story has, but at his touch, you hear a strange noise. You think you hear cracking and see a dark circle form in your bulging ceiling and then hear a crash. As you look down you make the connection that the plaster on your living room ceiling has just landed on your floor, couch, piano and many other furniture type items. You would be slightly shocked I would gather. Your immediate instincts would be to thank God your children were playing in their rooms and then to grab the brand new mirror over the mantle, that you just bought that week. As you are removing the mirror you would here Dan the drywall man say "Wow! Thats bad and dangerous" as he looks at wet sagging drywall. Then you would hear a cracking sound, wondering what it could be, then it hits you....almost literally, that your ceiling is coming down. It does with a loud splat! You wouldn't be able to believe your eyes.
You would immediately feel anxious and yet grateful for Dan the drywall man who knows what he's doing. As you peer up at your ceiling there are is a 4ft by 8ft rectangle missing with debris at your feet. Could this really be true, you would be thinking...did my ceiling just splat onto my floor. You would haul all your belongings including an upright 1920's piano from your living room with great haste, all the while hoping no more drywall is coming down. Then as any sane women would do, you would gather your children and leave while the men finished ripping down the rest of your living room ceiling.

This story is completely non-fiction. Suffice it to say, I've been a little distracted:o)
What is hilarious (NOT!) about all this is that we moved from our formal rental for the same problem last May. Two leaky ceilings in one year....go figure! I guess we are special.

Will follow soon with pictures and more details!

Please forgive spelling and grammer mistakes....I'm too tired to care.


Anonymous said...

That's terrible!!

Heather_in_WI said...

Oh my goodness!!! I hope it is fixed soon!

Melanie said...

Oh my! I was giggling the whole way through your story all the while horrified that it was true! You know what you need to do...move north to a town where we get your days worth of rain in a year and leaking roofs and falling ceilings are unheard of!

Mrs. "M" said...

I am glad you got a laugh out of it, I was successful....crying would be pointless :o)

Anonymous said...

Check for MOLD! If you or your kids have ANY breathing/allergy problems at all, make sure it's not from mold. I can COMPLETELY relate. We've had to repair our ceilings twice. Once after a bathroom leak upstairs and then again after hurricane Charlie. Our neighbor's had to move out after Charlie, strip their house down to frame and re-drywall. We were actually carrying out furniture, heard a crack, and RAN for the door as the ceiling came down behind us. But seriously. Check for mold.

Loraena said...

Wow! I was giggling too, but I'm sure it's stressful!