The wee hours of the morning are the quietest of the day. I found myself sneaking into my children's bedrooms at about 4 am Saturday morning. I found my four year old son every which way in his bed. He sleeps like he lives....on the move. I straightened his little body, tucked in his covers and gave him a soft kiss on the cheek. I love that little boy. I then moved into my daughters room....the light in her fish tank still shining. She was wrapped up in her covers like a burrito...she hates to be cold. I kissed her sweet face and moved hair our of her eyes. She didn't move a muscle. What grace that we "know" these little people. What gifts these two are to us....what miracles they seem to me in light of the loss we were facing again....the third time. I headed back to the couch where for the last five and a half hours I was having intense contractions. The lull in the storm compelled me to go see my two living children.
That evening we waited in the hospital for a D&C over four hours, only to be told we were bumped from the O.R. and had to go home. The baby had already been gone an estimated 5 weeks by now...a missed miscarriage. We were told this could drag on for a long time. We were given meds to help it along at home.
I made it to the couch, exhausted from no sleep and hard work. As I lay drifting in thought my body faithfully let me know, as God has designed it, that I needed to push. At 4:20 am my fifth little baby's body passed from mine. I felt relief, gratefulness and sadness all at the same time. My body, with a little help had finally done it's job.
I am recovering....slower then I anticipated but better each day. I am grieving but very differently then my last miscarriage. As I process this being our last pregnancy the grief will show itself very clearly in it's own time. God has been good to us in all He has allowed. I am so much more grateful for my two children that have remained with me. What gifts they are!
Thank you for your prayers and kind words over the last weeks....they have done my heart good.