Our two living treasures were safe at home with a friend. We drove off in anticipation of seeing this new little one for the first time....but we discovered from this ultrasound that our 5th little baby went home to Jesus.
Does it break a mama's heart to have to say goodbye (for now) to her baby? I cannot tell you how much. But where can a mother grieve and rejoice in the same breath......at the foot of the cross. He has paid for death already. This little baby isn't truly dead as we think of death.... our baby is simply missing from this earth but present with Jesus. This baby will never know pain, tears or hardship. Our baby will only know a sin-less world along with it's two older siblings. If our baby can't be in my arms, the best place it can be is in the arms of the Lord. How can I not find joy in knowing this baby fully "sees" Jesus and is fully known....whole and completely satisfied with no need or want. There is such tremendous peace knowing this little one is gazing in the face of the savior.
We are doing well. Are we sad and grieving over losing the dream of having another child to love and raise? Absolutely! It feels especially painful at times due to infertility up to this point. We also feel this is it for us in regards to having biological children. That's a grieving process in itself. We are at peace with knowing God is good and sovereign. We rest in His perfect care and plan for us and that of our little baby. We are grateful that through our saviors great mercy this baby is safe though away from us for a season.
We could use your prayers. I have not passed the baby physically. Our last miscarrage ended in a D&C, because my body never did its job. They are recommending we do the same again. We have a few decisions to make. Also please pray that we will find favor in the medical system (if you live in Canada you know what I mean). The last miscarriage was a bit of a hassle in that regard...I would love to see this go more smoothly. Pray for our children too. My son was so eager to be a big brother.