The day started like any other. The sun came up, my husband kissed me goodbye and I was greeted by my very sweet 2 year old princess....... smiling ear to ear. As I drank my coffee that morning, I had no clue what was going to turn my world upside down before the sun went down that day.
My friend Jen came to care for our two year old as we set off for Madronna Imaging for our routine 19 week scan. It was the middle of the day February 14th, 2002. I remember the time of day so clearly. I perused magazines while chatting with my husband. They were running late. Finally, a short thin women came to the door and called my name. "We will call you near the end" the women said to my husband. The anticipation of seeing our second child was building with each step toward the room. So many things were swirling in my head. Will we be able to find out if it is a boy or girl? Will the baby have red hair like our daughter? Will he/she look like my family this time or another spitting image of my husband's side?
The ultrasound got underway. I am chatting like a nut case because of all the excitement and anticipation. The tech was very quiet....nothing abnormal. They aren't supposed to tell you anything anyway. After awhile she excuses herself. Seemed a little weird but who knows maybe she had to go to the ladies room.
She returned but not alone. In the time it took her to say "This is Dr. Johnston" my heartbeat went from normal to pulsating in my brain. I knew seeing Dr. Johnston was not a good thing. He opened his mouth and I instinctively knew I did not want to hear his words. I felt pinned down against my will as each word flew from his lips. I interrupted him not computing much so far and asked for them to get my husband. Once my husband arrived the word assault continued. They told us the fetal anatomy was grossly abnormal. There was a mass outside the baby's tummy. The chest wasn't formed correctly, the heart did not appear normal......he then said that in his opinion, this baby would most likely not be viable at delivery. I couldn't breathe. Did he just tell me my baby was going to die? I saw the baby move....I saw the heart beat...I felt this baby everyday.....was this man mad? They left us alone. I couldn't cry. I couldn't speak and I still couldn't breathe. My first clear thought was Oh God help me!
(We are going away this weekend to Celebration 2007....so probably won't post Chapter 2 till next week some time)