Saturday, October 21, 2006

Trying to Be Strong

I have been thinking much about strength lately. People reflect back to me all the time how strong I am. To me it is laughable! I don't feel strong very often. I have had many things in life in the last few years that have been challenging and God has been gracious. That must be what they are talking about. I do admit that my greatest temptation is "self sufficiency". I think I should be able to do it on my own on the inside. So that is probably what I am showing on the outside.
Right now I feel very weak. I have many places I am tempted to self pity and anxiety. Sometimes I find it work not to go down those roads. This week would be one of them. I am trying to tell myself the truth but honestly I am even tired of that. We are still looking for a place to live in a place we can not afford...so we are depending. But when your main struggle is self sufficiency it is tiring because I am trying to work and control instead of depend. When will I ever learn!

I feel I have to be strong.....what's up with that. I am always encouraging other people to let it out...be weak.....everyone struggles but when it comes to me I feel I am somehow failing if I am weak. I get mad at myself for struggling. So when I need help...I don't ask and then it comes bubbling over somewhere else....usually at my kids.

This too shall pass but I sure hope I learn something.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

"Power, no matter how well-intentioned, tends to cause suffering. Love, being vulnerable, absorbs it. God Himself had chosen the way of weakness. The cross redefines God as one who was willing to relinquish power for the sake of love."

M said...

Hello my friend, you may be wondering why I posted that quote. In my own life, I've realized my need to display weakness and this quote caught my head and heart, and seems to spur me on.

Heather_in_WI said...

Ooh.. I'm sorry that you're going through a rough time. I had no idea. :(