I have been thinking much about strength lately. People reflect back to me all the time how strong I am. To me it is laughable! I don't feel strong very often. I have had many things in life in the last few years that have been challenging and God has been gracious. That must be what they are talking about. I do admit that my greatest temptation is "self sufficiency". I think I should be able to do it on my own on the inside. So that is probably what I am showing on the outside.
Right now I feel very weak. I have many places I am tempted to self pity and anxiety. Sometimes I find it work not to go down those roads. This week would be one of them. I am trying to tell myself the truth but honestly I am even tired of that. We are still looking for a place to live in a place we can not afford...so we are depending. But when your main struggle is self sufficiency it is tiring because I am trying to work and control instead of depend. When will I ever learn!
I feel I have to be strong.....what's up with that. I am always encouraging other people to let it out...be weak.....everyone struggles but when it comes to me I feel I am somehow failing if I am weak. I get mad at myself for struggling. So when I need help...I don't ask and then it comes bubbling over somewhere else....usually at my kids.
This too shall pass but I sure hope I learn something.